21 days to freedom

Recently I have been doing a lot of work with mindfulness. I figure if it can help me with other areas of my life, why not with smoking.
I “accidentally” stumbled across an App that uses mindfulness as a way to quit….

My first attempt at quitting, I used an unconventional method. I did very well for 6 months. I had no defense against stress and smoked. The second time, Patches did nothing to help me. I do not chew gum and the thought of a lozenge sickens me. I do not need or want another med.
Everything I have seen in this app so far makes complete sense.  I learned right away that nicotine leaves your system rather quickly. So nicotine replacement makes no sense.  Why not just decrease the number of cigarettes you smoke day by day. This is possible with help. Other methods do not teach me about the habit of smoking and how to rid myself of it.

On day 1 I kept track of how many times I smoked and found it to be a lot lower than expected. I have done a lot in the last few years to decrease the amount I smoke and apparently it was working. Now to rid myself of them completely.
In just one day of using this App, I have already learned things about myself and smoking. I always thought I smoked because I was addicted to them and it was a habit. The first time I smoked mind fully, I realized it gives the illusion of calming me.

I do not want to suffocate to death. That is my future if I do not quit. I believe using mindfulness to stop is my best option.  Not only am I learning how to use mindfulness to quit, I have incredible online support via this App.

I tried hard to meet todays (day 2) goal of mindfully smoking every cigarette. I found this to be a bit difficult at times. I would start my cigarette concentrating on the cigarette, then notice I had moved into autopilot. I would then as non judgmentally as I could, bring my focus back to the actual cigarette.

On Day 3. I started the day like all others. With a coffee and a cigarette. This time I also brought my phone with me so I could see what was in store for me today. After debating with myself, I put my cigarette out so I could follow along with the body scan exercise. I found it to be difficult to focus on the scan knowing that I had a cigarette a few inches from me waiting to be smoked.
Having the rest of my first cigarette of the day waiting for me definitely affected my ability to concentrate on the exercise.  I will do things different next time.

 

I learned If I have to make a phone call I smoke. I learned I can crave a cigarette within minutes of just having smoked one. I crave a cigarette before I finish dinner. The RAIN exercise will come in very handy in these situations as well.

I picked a quit date as suggested. 3 weeks from when I started using this App. At first I thought 3 weeks wasn’t going to be long enough for me. I had doubts that I would be ready. Now I am thinking it may be too long.

Yesterday I used the RAIN exercise a lot. I went from 10 cigarettes to 7. The number of cigarettes I am technically allowed is at 13.
I did get a suggestion that I only smoke 6 today. That freaked me out a bit. Only 6? How will that be possible?

Todays goal is to use RAIN each time I crave a cigarette. So far RAIN has been helpful. So if I use RAIN every time I crave a cigarette and it works as well as it has, then technically I should not smoke at all today. That is when I started thinking too much again. If I don’t use RAIN when I crave a smoke, I do not meet todays goal and I fail. If I do use RAIN all day and I am successful then I won’t smoke. I want to smoke. I still get to smoke. I get 6 today.
I don’t want to use RAIN and smoke anyway. That will scream “it doesn’t work” at my addiction. So do I use RAIN each time I crave and let it fail so I can smoke or do I not use RAIN every time and not meet todays goal?

I wrote, “Now I wonder. Am I thinking too much or am I just more aware of things?”

online response “Not thinking too much. This is what happens when we start to wake up to our lives.”

I am having trouble distinguishing between craving a cigarette and thinking it is time for one. For example when I first woke up I thought it was time for a cigarette. I wasn’t craving one.  I just thought I was supposed to smoke one. Instead of smoking I chose to access the App and see what was up for today. I used the RAIN exercise even though I was still not feeling a craving. I did not smoke. 10 minutes later I felt a craving so I used RAIN again. I still did not smoke.

DESTROYING the habit.

A trigger hit me and hit me hard.. I had cigarette and lighter in hand. I stopped.  I took some breaths, focused on feeling, easily recognized that I wanted a smoke, accepted it as well.

I put the lighter and cigarette down and proceeded to go back inside. I did not smoke.

About 45 minutes later, the phone rang. I grabbed it and immediately walked to the door to go outside and smoke. Obviously on autopilot. I stopped. This is the habit they have mentioned.  This is a trigger for me.
I could see the last cigarette I didn’t smoke and my lighter waiting for me outside.
I walked away from the door.
I do not need to smoke while on the phone.
I finished my conversation without a smoke.

For those who do not understand, This a Big Deal!!!!

I spent time on my deck without smoking just to try to start breaking the connection that outside/deck equals smoke. It worked out well as I spent my time listening to a pebble meditation that I “accidentally” came across.

I need to take the word perfection and all variations of the word out of my vocabulary.  This is called mindfulness PRACTICE, NOT PERFECTION.

I have done just that. My original quit date was 11/13 now it is 11/5. But if I meet todays goal, which was yesterdays goal and the goal the day before that, I should remain smoke free today. Being smoke free today is not my goal. Using RAIN whenever a craving comes up is. If using RAIN is successful, I should not smoke.

Do I really need an anticipated date to quit? The first one seemed too soon at first. Then it seemed too far away, so I changed it.  No where does it say I have to smoke until my quit day.  Although my mind/addiction/habit is telling me what great idea that would be.

The program I used to quit was a 21 day program.  You had 21 days to decrease the number of cigarettes you smoked.  You had 21 days to learn how to successfully get through cravings that WILL happen.  I quit in 7 days, but I continued to follow the program to the end. It has been 5 weeks since my last cigarette.  It has not been easy.  At times it has been very hard.  As long as I remember that this can be done and that I am doing it, I will succeed.  Odd, I can set up the App to help me remember….

This Can Be Done!!!!

last butt

My last butt

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4 thoughts on “21 days to freedom

  1. Good for you!! Bravo how brave you are to do this completely natural!!! I used to smoke and I used Chantix to quit. I actually used it twice because I got so sick on it the first time around, then my Dr. suggested I don’t take the full dosage but take what I can tolerate and that worked. I have not smoked in 4 years now and I am so happy about that. The thing I notice most is that I don’t cough anymore!!! Good news it does get easier and eventually you don’t even think about it! I’m so grateful that I don’t have to go stand out in the freezing cold weather to have a cigarette and the money I am saving! I think this is tremendous you should feel very proud! I feel very proud of you!! YAY YOU!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you my Friend. Support is very much Welcome here.
      I’ve quit before, but this feels way different.
      I have learned so much about me and my relationship with cigarettes.
      I actually went through a period of mourning.

      Liked by 1 person

      • So did I! Isn’t it amazing the hold that smoking cigarettes has on us!! To finally break free is tremendous!! Once the nicotine is out of your system, then it is completely a mind game…let you win this time!! the non-smoking you!!! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

would wicked love hearin' from ya !!!!

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