I’ve been Wicked obsessing again. I can’t really focus on random obsessive thoughts today because it is so much more than just thoughts right now. My brain feels like a family size pot of Obsessive Thought Soup, anxiously simmering on the wood stove. OTS should not be confused with LPS or Llama Poop Soup which in itself can be obsessive, but is a completely different kind of soup.
Okay, my most prevalent recent obsessions are as follows….
- obsessing over never having finished Photo101. Life got in the way of that and it was put on the back burner.
- Obsessing over last weeks Photo Challenge (Close-Ups if you missed it).
- Obsessing over this
- all those other things.
- And now I am Obsessing over how many cooking references I can accidentally have in one post.
I tried sitting with the thoughts and letting them go. I tried distraction as a way to rid myself of these thoughts. Old negative coping techniques no longer work so I shall not even go there. I could verbally rant, but I don’t feel like bothering anyone else with my batshitcrazy way of thinking right now. Maybe if I take each named obsession one by one and rant a bit, they will lessen. If I do this right, I should be able to rid myself of these obsessive thoughts, complete Obsessive Thought Thursday (maybe a day early even), do some work on Photo101, and release from my mind the other close-ups I’ve been obsessing over.
I do believe I am feeling an increase in anxiety which may be causing an increase in obsessive thoughts which definitely is causing more anxiety which leads to compulsions…………….OR did the obsessive thoughts start first which led to the elevation of anxiety which led to more obsessive thoughts which in turn led to compulsions……………All I know is I am obsessing. Other coping skills did not work, so right now I am attempting to rant them away by writing. I shall write those obsessions right out of me. Write and rant about obsessions in order to rid myself of those same obsessions. Is this making sense to anyone???? I think I may have confused even myself. I refuse to add to the anxiety by starting to obsess over the # of times I just wrote “right” and “write” or obsess over those run-on sentences I let stay.
Ah, I just took a break for breathing. Breaks for deep breaths are good AND I completely forget about them almost all of the time. How come the stuff that is the best for me when I obsess and feel anxiety are the last things I remember to try? If I didn’t mind bothering other human beings, the very 1st thing they would have told me to do is BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Each and Every One of them would have said in a firm, yet tender voice, STOP and BREATHE!!!! and not in a loud voice either. I have been doing very well with firm, yet tender prompts. “No, buts, just STOP and BREATHE.” They may have to repeat it. And possibly repeat it again, but it helps.
Time to stop ranting and writing and hit save. This breathing thing is calming me down. I am obsessing less and think that I just might be able to stop writing for now and maybe eat supper. Who cares when I finish Photo101? I can’t just pull photo’s out of my
ass, I mean hat, to match the subject of the assignment in the order they are assigned. Look at this past weeks weekly challenge. It just happened to be close-ups. To start, I went looking for close-ups. After I published my 1st attempt, close-up opportunities kept popping up everywhere. Inspiration can come from anywhere.
Day Seven of Photo101 Big & Point of View. Ah screw it. I am feeling better. Less obsessive, and no anxiety. I am no longer obsessing over finishing Photo101. I also did tomorrow’s regular weekly feature today. So that leaves time open tomorrow to work on last months Photo101 assignments. and I forgot my 5:32 PM Ativan again. So here’s to Obsessing or to Not obsessing. I much prefer not.