introducing William

I rarely question my assignment. Today I was given the job I’ve been preparing for. Everything is ready, T’s have been dotted, I’s crossed, and assignments handed out. I am to hang with an 8-year-old boy named Tim.  Anna, Tim’s sister just came back over a few days ago. She only had 12 years on Earth this time, but she did her job quicker and better than most. I spent some time with her when she first arrived back home. She will be at or above my own level. She did well on Earth. She gets to rest for as long as she desires then it is off to work she goes.  I love how she calls me Will instead of William. I believe this is going to be a beautiful, powerful friendship.

Most don’t take much time off. Some choose to retire, but no one lasts long at that. There are so many people who need our help. Speaking of help I should go down to Tim, my newest assignment.  With Anna leaving him for a bit, I have (my) work to do.

Anna made me laugh the first time I met her. She told me she has already been testing her family. She was able to assign her brother, Tim to the Angels’ baseball team. Anna’s Mom noticed that right away, and that night Anna sent Tim a dream. Tim recalled this vivid dream and shared it with his Mom. They were able to smile together. I guess Anna is declining her opportunity to have a break. Only the best do that.

Anna might have chosen the body of a child this time, but she is such a strong old soul, full of wisdom. I am going to be proud to have her as my newest companion. With this family I got assigned to way back when, Anna’s insight will be invaluable.  That’s not to say with all my preparation and dedication I can’t hold my own, just that more help reaches further.

Catherine and Emily. For the longest time I thought I had them.  When I left my body, they truly believed in me and my power. I proved it to them using that JH dude. Twice!Over the years they have stumbled a bit. I think Emily might be on her way back to believing I am there. It’s taken some time, but she is starting to see the signs I’ve been sending her. I was pretty subtle for a while, then the Senior dude visited. The Senior dude told me to hit her with a biggie. Not too big though.“She needs to WAKE UP!!!!” She recovered nicely from that sign and now I believe I have her back.

Jax and Catherine. Well they are going to take more time. They will be open to me soon though. As long as I have the whole team playing, rookies included. They will hear us. As long as she stays open, They are gonna have to listen to Emily. Since Anna and I teamed up,  It is almost as if Emily forgot to lock her door.  I am also proud of how outspoken she has become.  She has found her voice. This family is very special to me. They have so much work they still need to do. I sometimes wish we could get things done all by ourselves. But then again, it wouldn’t be right or much fun for any of us.

“It amazes me the racket the Senior Man has going on in relation to tHis family. He’s got me working with Anna in Sue’s house, while Clarence is in Canada convincing Hollow to motivate Emily to try on her appropriate funeral attire. Meanwhile Gabriel is in Pennsylvania, reminding Base, to remind Emily about us.” PHEW!!!! Busy, Busy, and Busy.

I’ve been waiting all day for Emily to ask for me to come with her tonight. The Senior Man wants us all there tonight. Everyone!!!! This Anna must be pretty special to him to bring out all stops like he is. I can’t wait to work with her more.

A message arrives, “Well would you look at that? Emily is asking for my help. This is way cool, she hasn’t asked for my help in a long time. I love it when they ask me to visit. I love them so much. Helping them is so much more fun when they know I am around. I know I am doing my job right when they feel me near. They do still have that free will crap the Big Ole One gave them. It is sometimes tough to work around.”

This story was supposed to be about Tim. Everything happens for a reason they say. The Senior Dude wants me to hang out with Tim all day. Or, for as long as he needs me. I must say, I have enjoyed my brief hiatus. Given the choice though, I’d much rather be working and spending time with the ones I was given. They can be so much fun. I feel like I’ve been on vacation forever.

Back in the saddle again as some might say. “I’m just gonna say thanks for the work Senior Man. I am so looking forward to your newest assignment.”

Enough documenting, it is time to visit Tim. I love working with kids. I have always loved them. They are so much more open to my suggestions than the older ones. This should be a fun day for me. Anna’s got her hands full with her Mom, Dad, and sisters. She will appreciate the time I spend with Tim.

“All I know is that this assignment involves the color purple. They never tell me more than I need to know. I just go with it and it all will be well. Plus, in time, when I find everything out, it will be breathtaking. Can breathtaking be a feeling?  If it can, then it is.”

Advertisements

figured something out????

When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to do or where to go with it.  All I knew was that I felt better when I wrote shit down.

Here we are roughly 6 months later….

  1. I have taken blogging101
  2. writing101 came next
  3. then Photo101
  4. then Life got in the way

I became obsessive over completing Blogging101.  See my history and you might understand why.  I learned so much from this course.  I was wicked new to blogging and I was learning stuff that a woman of my age should know.   widgets, image widgets, feature, Know your audience, INSPIRATION…. COMMUNITY!!!!

I did not expect or have any clue that starting a blog came with such a fantastic community.  I am very grateful I was led to WordPress.  Yes Lily Pup you are to blame for that.

After Blogging101 came Writing101.  I am proud to say I did well with this class.  The obsession I had during Blogging101 was not present.  Damnitall.  I read a blog post recently where the writer talks about swearing, I’ve been swearing ever since.  It is part of my Distinct Voice, which I also learned about in writing101. I learned so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

Writing 101 is where I received my first bit of criticism.  Maybe it was Blogging 101? It truly does not matter now.  The assignment was to write about your home.  I requested constructive criticism and I got it.  It basically said, “show me, Don’t tell me.”  Funny how one of the very next assignments was “Show me, Don’t tell me.” 

Russell J. Fellows on April 8, 2015 at 8:56 am said:

What a peaceful sounding place. I think I’ve told many people the same thing, but I want to tell you also: be more immersive in this writing. You have a lot of good description to work with, but I want to experience it through your eyes, not just through you telling me what is what. Instead of “The entrance to where I am is like a dirt road that leads you through a tunnel…” say “A road of dirt and rock leads you through a tunnel of beeches and oaks to a clearing…” or something like that. Does that make sense?

Then came Photo 101. Another great WordPress offering. I have yet to finish this course, but I have many great excuses. Life stuff took over for a while and I was unable to keep focused on learning about photography.  I still have hopes to finish this class, but will do so in my own time.

I have also been unable to keep up with my weekly feature OTT.  I have decided none of this matters.  What matters is that Today, I am doing every thing in my power to be okay.  My goal today and every day is to beat depression.  When my head tells me I am better off staying in my pajamas, I get in my clothes and do something.  When it tells me, “you don’t need a shower today”, I go out, get extra dirty, have fun doing it, and have no choice but to shower.  When someone who counts asks me How I am, I tell them the truth.  I have chosen to take the word “FINE” out of my vocabulary.

When my therapist suggested I leave little notes around my house that simply say “BREATHE”, I listened.  Now my house has little notes everywhere reminding me to breathe.  Breathing is such a simple thing to do, yet so very difficult when I need it most.  I have also learned along the way that deep breathing helps with so much more than just anxiety.  Provided I remember to do it.  The more I do it the easier it is to remember.  Everything takes practice.

So, take a minute. Stop. Just breathe. and don’t forget your blog

Duh. I almost forgot to mention what it was I may have figured out?  If blogging has rules, I do not think I can follow them. I am okay with suggestions, but I don’t believe I have any hope with rules. It has been 6 months and I still do not know what this thing is about.  I am okay with that.

I totally forgot again

I have managed to find someone other than myself to blame for my inability to get my weekly feature published on time.

My husband is to blame.  He has had an extra day off each week this summer which totally messes up what day I think it is.  Therefore it is his fault I cannot write about obsessive thoughts on Obsessive Thought Thursday. I do not know when Thursday is.

So glad we got that squared away from the beginning.  I continue to challenge OCD in some way every day. The more I challenge it, the more I reinforce the fact that it is okay to do something once. The more times I eat three skittlesimage at a time instead of four or 2 cookies instead of four, and nothing bad happens, the more I believe nothing bad will happen.  The more times I successfully challenge this disorder, the stronger I feel. And No, not every challenge is a successful one. Twice recently while in a store, I had an incredible increase in anxiety which was directly related to an opportunity to challenge the OCD.  I felt it in my body, just like my new Therapist wants me to.  I can hear him now, “What does it feel like?”     “Easy, It feels like I am going to puke.”

We have been experiencing a lot of ‘firsts’ the last few weeks and I am happy to note that in no way could I make them into fourths. It was stuff like the 1st time you peel and cut up potatoes without saving some pieces for the beagle. The 1st time you forget your water when leaving the house and realize you can go back in without disturbing the dog. There is no dog. The first time you cook and realize there is no dog to step over no matter where you move.  The first time you sit in your dog’s favorite spot on the loveseat and realize just howMattNoMoreFirstsWords comfortable it really is.  The first time you have sirloin tips for supper and realize there is no one to share the juice with. The 1st time your husband leaves when the dog would normally ‘think’ he shouldn’t and you both realize he doesn’t have to sneak out of the house anymore. The 2nd time you sit in your dog’s spot on the loveseat, only this time you recline back, totally enjoying how comfortable you truly are and think, “that little shit has had the best spot in the house for 15 years, and I can see the TV better from over here.” Done with firsts for now.

Okay, O.T.T., obsessive thoughts, Thursday, No its Sunday, Obsessiveness, you started this Saturday…. Lately, I have found myself obsessing over depression.  I have been obsessing over being aware that the depression may or may not be trying to get back in control of my head. I am obsessing over doing everything I can possibly do to stop the depression from taking over my brain. I am thinking this might not be a bad obsession.

Because I am constantly on the look out for signs that depression may be returning, I see the signs rather quickly. I see them before they can get a hold on me.  I can then do what I need to do to prevent it from getting worse.

For example, I have been neglecting my blog.  I enjoy my blog, I have fun with my blog.  The more I neglect my blog, the less joy and fun I have and the easier it is for depression to strengthen itself inside me.  There is more room for it to grow.

Sometimes depression tries to sneak up on me in other ways.DepressionStronger  It likes it when I feel irritable and get snippy with my partner.  I know this, I am aware of this, I can apologize for this and not do it again. Depression hates it when I do this, it loses power. One thing depression loves is alcohol.  If I have to do something that makes me extremely anxious it wants to convince me that it will be easier to do with a drink. It will be better with a  drink.  To someone with a history of depression, alcohol is just FFD (Fuel For Depression). Depression lies. It lies to me all the time. You don’t need to eat today. You will only get fatter.  Eat tomorrow. Depression wants to be that gut wrenching, motivation sucking, all-consuming monster it has been in the past.  And if that means lying to me, that means lying to me.

Today is different though.  I have had time away from that major, debilitating, dark depression. I like to think I have used that time wisely.  I have been able to work on ‘other stuff’.  I have learned how to get through some incredibly anxiety provoking situations unscathed.  I have learned and am still learning that unpleasant feelings just are. Everyone has them.feelingsEmotions  If I feel them and let them be, they will change or leave altogether. The more I fight unpleasant feelings, the stronger they become. Which opens the door for depression.  I need to allow myself to feel stuff like fear, or sadness, or even anger. That way when I feel things like joy, peace, and happiness, I will enjoy them that much more.

I do not know where I am going with this story and I barely know where I’ve been, so my suggestion to Myself is to end it here.

THE END

Part 3 of serially lost challenge

Lately I’ve really been really concentrating on the conversations my husband and I have. We always end up laughing or shaking our heads smiling. WARNING!!!! Laughing and smiling can be contagious in a grocery store.

I felt happiness today. The phone rang and it was my husband telling me he was coming home early. I could only describe my feelings as joyful. Not to shabby for someone with a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.

The not so good part, I had to pick him up at the Chevy dealer who just fixed my SUV. His car needed some tender loving care. Like mine just got.

So, maybe my car broke down when it did so it would be well enough to transport my husband to work because his car broke down. And because my car broke down, I met some wonderful people and because I met these wonderful people, I am convinced that it is time to say goodbye. Good bye to Parker, my 10-year-old SUV.

I think this post just turned into the third of my Loss/ Found / Lost and Found serial challenge for writing 101. First Major Loss as an adult human is Part 1. Third Time’s the Charm. I never did finish that assignment.

So, I look toward a future loss. The loss of a good friend. It is time to say goodbye to Parker. We traveled 102,338 miles together.  The time has come for her to sit on a lonely used car lot or a make a quick trip to the junk yard. She needs more help than I am willing to give.

DSC00396

when we cleaned her out, we found Parker ate 2 lighters, 3 umbrellas, and a boatload of pennies. funny, I have never purchased an umbrella

Parker was a tease. She truly had it all. Power everything. Including seat adjustment. Which when a certain button was pushed would warm your little behind. Meeting Parker was not planned. Her predecessor got hit by a tree and passed young. This was the day I truly understood the phrase “car wrapped around a tree.” I want to talk about my experience with black cars versus my experience with white cars. But I don’t know how to do it without making someone angry. I know, I’ll talk about red cars instead.

I wish I could leave color out of this, but it is important. Everyone has heard, “Oh No don’t get a red car, they are cop magnets.” My husband and I both experienced red cars and we came to the same conclusion. A high rate of speed is a better cop magnet than the color of the car.

To me loss has always meant change. I have never done well with change, therefore it makes sense that I would do poorly with loss. Acceptance is the key for me. Funny how I can make that sound so simple. I don’t just accept change, I fight it tooth and nail.

I need to be reminded that there are some things I have no control over. I need to remind myself that I do have a choice. Fight a losing battle or take a moment and relax. Think about whether there is anything I can do. Look at all options. After taking a bit of time to relax, I am able to see things clearer.

Maybe this change will not be as bad as I think it will be. It might even end up being a good thing. I won’t know until the loss and change actually happens. Now that I think about it, accepting change is a lot more pleasant than fighting it. The more practice I get at it, the better I will be at it.

102,338 miles versus 16 miles

102,338 miles versus 16 miles. you choose

So this story was supposed to be about some of the very odd conversations I have with my husband.  Ah yup, that was the plan. Things don’t always turn out the way I expect.  Sometimes they turn out better. So we are off. Off to look at a Grape Ice colored car. Definitely not the one I want, but most likely the one I need.

I managed to find humor in this whole life thing after all. The first call we got after trading in Parker was from the salesman who just sold us Ice Ice Fanta, “Have you had any trouble starting the Equinox with this key?”

“Ah nope.  Not since we just put $501.15 into her for a new starter an oil change.

I’d call this new car purchase very, very good timing.

16 year old me, Listen Up!!!!

If you could have a guarantee that one, specific person was reading your blog, who would you want that person to be? Why? What do you want to say to them?

I realize you are 16 and will probably not believe a word I write, but everything you read here is true. You will learn how important honesty becomes to you.  You may not be able to see it now, or in 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years, but you can and will be okay. I know this because I am you and I am okay.

You will have struggles.  A lot of struggles.  But you will make it through these times.  I know because I am where you will eventually be.

You will make plans.  Many plans.  Some of these plans of yours will work out well.  Others will not.  You will learn that some of your plans were not right for you.  You will make what you think are the best plans possible only to find a detour that leads to something better. Do not stop planning just because your plans do not work out as planned.

The most important things I have to tell you is this, Never give up trying, Never give up hoping, Never give up learning and Never, Ever lose your sense of humor.  I may be telling you these things, but you know them already.  You just don’t know you know them.  If you didn’t know these things, I would not be here today telling you about them.

You will lose things over the years, only to find better things.  I wish I could be more specific, but I need to leave you with some surprises.  Speaking of surprises, your life will be full of them.  Some will make you laugh some will make you cry. Some will make you say, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  They will all make you who I am today.

Lessons.  My goodness, lessons.  You will have so many of them.  You may have to learn some things over and over again until you get them right.  Sometimes you will even say to yourself. “How many times does this have to happen before I get it right?”  That will be your clue that you got it right and can move on to the next lesson.

I don’t want to get into a discussion over good versus bad, but I must warn you.  Great things will happen to you only to find out how not so great they really are.  Along with that, be prepared for some not so great things to happen.  I will tell you this much, some of those not so great things turn into the best things ever.  Again, I wish I could be more specific, but if I tell you too much, you might avoid some of those painful things that make me who I am today.

You won’t believe me now, but someday you are really going to like who you have become.  You will be happy with who you are, but not so completely happy that you stop striving for more.

It is not going to be an easy road, but you will do okay. One thing that never changes is your uniqueness.  You are and always will be considered unique. Some may see it as being a bit off, but being a bit off is what makes people love you.

There are so many things I want to tell you not to do, but I won’t.  I can’t. That might change who I am today.  One thing I will tell you is this, when you quit smoking the first time, don’t start again.  The me of today would greatly appreciate it.

One last thing, something you should do more often is listen to your gut.  The more practice you get at going with your gut, the more you will learn to trust it.  This will come in very handy when you hit my age.  By the way, it has been 30 years as I write this, so listen up. I know what I am talking about.

Part 1 Lost, Part 2 Found

On day four, you wrote a post about losing something. Today’s Prompt: write about finding something. Today’s twist: if you wrote day four’s post as the first in a series, use this one as the second installment — loosely defined.

mattiesun

Mattie dreamin’ of summer

I warned you about the beagle brothers. They entered my life under mysterious and almost mystical circumstances. For you to truly understand I need to briefly describe where I was working at the time. I worked in an institution for developmentally delayed adults.  Most spent their whole lives here and all were very medically involved.  Most had never seen a dog on TV never mind in real life.  This day I walked into work and thought I saw a beagle puppy walking down the hall.  My first thought was, “what the hell is wrong with me.  There is no way there could be a dog in here. That would be so against the rules.”

Seamustongue

Seamus finishing his leftovers

I had to investigate and found, to my relief, I was not hallucinating. There was a true, unheard of situation involving a beagle puppy at work. I had to know more.  I found out that the new beagle Mom, who was just visiting, got him from a breeder in NH. That is all I learned until out of the blue I mentioned the beagle sighting to a nurse I worked with. She just happened to have gone to high school with a man from NH who was a beagle breeder. This had Allie’s paws written all over it. I didn’t think it had been long enough since Allie’s passing. I thought I should wait longer before adding to my family. I took this unusual occurrence at work as a sign that it was time.  Maybe it was okay to get a new puppy.

mattielickit

Mattie Licking his chops. We told him no one would notice the cone.

I tracked down this NH beagle breeder. His beagles were field trial beagles and he did it for the love of the breed, not for the money. I had educated myself about puppy mills and he showed no signs of illegal mass breeding for money. He didn’t have any puppies old enough to adopt/that were ready to go.  He must have seen me coming a mile away, because he said he had one I might like. He had a puppy with a broken tail.  All I needed to hear was broken tail and I was in.  When I met the few puppies he had, one of them immediately came up to me and sat on my foot.  It was not the one with the broken tail. I now wanted the one who sat on my foot. I wanted the one with the broken tail. I wanted a female. I wanted 1. Six weeks later I was the proud mom of two beagle brothers. Again, this had Allie written all over it.

Today I believe Alyxandra was looking down from The Rainbow Bridge laughing at me. I thought raising a sickly beagle puppy was a tough job.  Little did I know Iposing actually had it easy with her.  Raising two male beagle puppies at the same time turned out to be a riot.  Every time they did something funny, annoying, or dumb, I shook my head and thought of Alyx. I thought of Alyx and laughed. I was so sad for so long after she left. These boys brought me joy.  Just like Allie would have wanted.

They were a creative twosome.  SeamuschewI swear they double teamed us to get what they wanted.  When they entered the chew phase, they cracked me up. Allie had eaten my bed during this stage. With the boys we didn’t have that problem. We had a new house with a wood stove so they had our fire wood available to eat. The wood was their first choice.  When we moved to the country and no longer had wood readily available, they ate my deck.

seamussecureremote

He loved remotes and phones?

It took two of us to handle one beagle. What were we thinking trying to handle 2? It was all part of Allies plan. To make us miss her more, for us to see how easy we had it with just her simple antics, to smile and laugh as much as we could, and so we would finally admit that maybe she didn’t take up as much room in the bed as we bitched about.

We thought 1 beagle was loud. Try two very excited beagles. Two energetic boys who played hard. One good thing with the new house was walks were a choice, not a requirement.

Seamus baying as all good beagles will do.

Seamus baying as all good beagles will do.

Seeing their harnesses and leashes resulted in two baying beagles.  Baying is not their only sound.  They also bark, howl, whine, cry, talk, etc.  They know how to communicate their wants and needs. Different bark = different point they are trying to get across. They got so into our routine that they knew our schedules better than we did. Leaving when we weren’t supposed to resulted in an hour or two of non stop beagle howling.

I had many great years with these boys. So many funny stories to tell. They may have had the same Mom and Dad, but they were such different dogs.  One was all beagle, very opinionated and independent.  The other got the name ‘love bug’.  If you were sitting, he was sitting on you. I don’t know how many times I woke up only to discover him sound asleep on my feet. I presently have 3 wishes. One is to somehow always have a beagle in my life. beagleslovepeaceThe third and final part of this trilogy may be found HERE.  It does not involve beagles.

First major loss as an adult human

Todays prompt write about a loss something that was part of your life but isn’t anymore  Today’s twist: Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

Last night when I first read this prompt I read it as write about something that made you sad. I slept on it and woke up with the decision that I was not going to do todays assignment.  Writing about something sad would easily make me sad.  I have spent too much of my life being sad.  Today I do everything in my power to not be sad.  Then I took a second look at the prompt (after reading someone else’s assignment) and read what it really said.  I might be able to do this and prevent myself from becoming sad.  Not only can I write about the actual loss, but I can write about the very very good times we had prior to the loss.  I am talking about the loss of Alyx, the first dog I ever had as an adult.

My roommate and I went to the mall shopping for who knows what.  We strolled into the pet store just to look.  After whipping out my credit card we walked out with a tiny beagle puppy.  I did not know about pet stores and puppy mills when I “bought” Alyx.  I have learned so much about both since then.  The store told us the puppy had just been to a local vet and she had no health problems.  We didn’t have her home an hour when we noticed the coughing and sneezing. The next day I brought her to my cat’s vet and she was diagnosed with a double ear infection and ear mites.  Funny and a bit odd how she developed both these things so quickly after being given a clean bill of health.

Growing up I had always had mutts.  I do not recall these dogs ever needing to visit the vet. Not even once. Alyx was different.  She was constantly at the vets.  It was her second home. There was always something wrong with her. Never anything too serious that could not be fixed. Eventually the joke was that she had her own credit card. People frown on others who get their pets from Pet stores.  They cry save the ones at the pound!  Well I feel as though I saved the one at the pet store. Because of Alyx I have never100_3040 set foot in another pet store.  I learned about the connection between puppy mills and pet stores and how pet stores sell to the customers emotional side.  That is how I got Alyx.  I saw her, felt bad for her, wanted her, and paid quite a bit for her.  It is so easy when you are young with your own credit card. I never even asked my landlord if dogs were okay.  I didn’t think I just bought.  I recall when I got my cat a few years earlier, the shelter would not let me have her until they spoke directly with my landlord.  The pet store did not care.  Alyx could easily have ended up in a shelter had my landlord said no or she had been purchased by a family unable to care for her medical needs.

Life went on. Alyx remained a sick little beagle, but I loved her. I was able to take care of each illness as it arouse. She was my first real adult responsibility.  I had a cat, but cats are different.  You don’t take care of cats.  You cook and clean for them.  Eventually my roommate moved on.  There was no custody battle.  It was just a given that Alyx would stay with me. I met my husband and Alyx immediately fell in love with him. She was such a great dog. She loved her road trips.  She sat in the front seat between my husband and I on her own pillow. We have pictures of her “driving” down the road in Cape Hatteras.  She was truly loved by everyone including her very own babysitter who we used when we traveled for business.

Around 5 years old Allie got real sick. It was otherwise a very happy time in my life. I was newly married, owned my own home, had a good job, and a little family consisting of 2 humans, a cat, and a dog.  Alyx continued her regular trips to the vet.  They did what they could to make her feel better, but eventually there was nothing more to do. I was at work when I heard the worst new ever.  She was in kidney failure and it was best to let her go.  As I hung up the phone and sat in my office, I was devastated.  I looked up and Alyx’s babysitter was standing in the doorway. I did not need to tell her a thing.  She had just spent a week with Allie and somehow knew.

Alyx was my first major loss as an adult. I felt it all. Anger, sadness, gratitude, guilt….  I was angry at both myself and the puppy mill she most likely came from. Anger at myself for the times I got annoyed with her for peeing on the floor. Sadness because she was my baby and she was gone.  Gratitude that I was able to save her from that pet store and give her the best life possible. Guilt because I was unable to save her again. I did have my husband and cat to comfort me, but Allie was special.  She was my baby girl. I had lost pets before, but Allie had saved me as much as I had saved her. It would be a very long time before I could even think about feeling better.

I don’t think of loss when I write about Allie.  I think about the fact that she was the start of what would soon become a multitude of very funny beagle stories.

Enter the beagle brothers….                           .