Who? Me? Looking Up at You? Birds tend to hypnotize me
Left Right Left
Left Right Left
opposites !!!! unite !!!!
it took a few days for me to figure out what to do with this partners challenge. I absolutely love the word ‘partner’. I use it in place of husband a lot. Just something I have to do???????????????? he is my partner/spouse/husband/cook/bestfriend. then I thought Jax and I make darn good partners. He is half deaf, I am half blind. It just works. But I needed better than one of us. Plus a photo of us would end up being a selfie and I am not ready for that. Snoop E may post selfies. I may not.
then it came to me. I had 2 very cool partners in my life for over 14 years. They were the Beagle Brothers. and boy were they ever great partners. their partnership started early. they were from the same litter. September 28th 1999. I only remember this as it just happens to be my Babca’s birthday as well, but she was born in 1907.
So, enter our beagle partners/kids/brothers/troubletimes2/Boys
The first time I was asked, “what is different about you since you quit smoking?” I was asked this question during an interview for a documentary on using mindfulness to relieve oneself of addiction. My first thought was, “I am a nicer person.” Being interviewed by a professional interviewer type person, that answer was so not going to be enough. I continued on with, “i am able and willing to see other people better or clearer even. i am more aware of how others might be feeling or what they could be thinking.” Stay Tuned on July 4th. link available July5th
I can see that the way others react or act is not a reflection on me. maybe they just stubbed their toe 2 minutes before seeing me and it still stings. the way i interact with other people is what matters.
I quit smoking. I have done it using a mindfulness app I ‘accidentally stumbled upon’. I knew I had to/wanted to/needed to quit. I was in a fog wondering how to go about it. then One thing happened that led to another. that thing appeared to lead to another thing which led to another then another and another. Today I am smoke free and grateful.
I feel as though I have somehow moved from using Mindfulness practice to quit smoking to Mindful Living.
This was not My Plan.
My Plan was to use Mindfulness in an attempt to better control the ever powerful anxiety I experience. I needed to get a handle on this monster and pills were no longer a viable solution. I needed something better. Apparently I was ready for something better.
Enter MINDFULNESS. I should add the word Again to that last sentence. I had my 1st introduction to mindfulness 28 years ago. second exposure 15 years ago. I now see that these experiences have prepared me for where I am right now. Right Now! Right Here! Not worrying about a future that might never happen. Not dwelling on a past I cannot change.
not the worst place to be!!
Changes…. not in any particular order and not a compete list. Keep in mind these are not changes I planned. I did not sit down one night and make a list of things I wanted to change in me. To be honest, i did not know i needed to change. want to change? Not even a little.
The only change I desired was to no longer smoke
to be smoke free.
- i no longer have the need to get everything done right now. for example : i want to finish writing this post. i am not going to die if i save it and finish it later. last year or even last month, “ineedtodoit! doitnow! cantwait! mustgetitdonenow! nomtterwht.” just a tad anxiety provoking from inside. no outside trigger needed.
- i smile more. not because life is so freakin awesome and I have no reason not to smile but because if i smile, maybe someone who is lucky enough to see me smile will smile. then someone else might smile and then someone else….
- i am calmer. inconveniences and other people’s stupid behavior that would have once throw me into fits of panic/anger/depression/disappointment affect me in a different way. i am able to take a tad bit o time and breathe. This breathing thing is not new to me. People in my life have been suggesting it forever and a day. Regular, consistant mindfulness practice got me to remember to breathe when I need to.
- I am nicer. i already talked about that. I have always been a relatively nice person, but now I am even nicer and to more people.
- i sleep better. not longer, Better. I wake up earlier, yet less tired. more refreshed
- life is the same. pleasant and unpleasant things are always going to happen. That is Life. That is not going to change, But…. i can change. I deal with life’s obstacles in a new way. i am capable of dealing with the life stuff in a way that i was never capable of before.
- i stopped biting my nails while I quit smoking – it took me awhile to even notice my nails were growing.
- i eat slower and enjoy what I eat. quitting smoking definitely makes things taste better, but i enjoy that better taste more. Food was always just something I ate so I didn’t fall down. Now I take the time to savor every bite. I’ve begun experimenting with a variety of new recipes as well.
- I am more capable of thinking before i speak. I have always either talked too much or not at all. Now when a thought flies into my brain I am able to stop, breathe, give myself a chance to decide if this thought needs to exit through my mouth or do I let it go.
- I feel feelings. this is a direct result of the mindfulness app I used to quit smoking. The app suggested instead of fighting the cigarette cravings, i might try to really feel them. Truly feeling the craving and seeing it for what it truly is. Watching it leave without my having to smoke, made my mind stronger, made the next craving a bit easier to deal with. Doing this over and over again helped me form a new healthy habit. I am now applying this same technique to feelings.
- I am able to feel what is going on in my body quicker. i am a diehard jaw clencher. I always have been. Today I am able to notice my clenched jaw quicker than ever before. Once I am able to identify that I am clenching my jaw, I am able to take steps to stop it. My jaw, teeth,dentist, and head are grateful.
- i worry less and Care more
Now, how to end this. Do I even have to end this? Do I want this to end? The answer is so simple. No. I am on a new journey and I choose not to end it too soon. I finally truly and completely believe that I am Going to be okay. No, wait, I AM OKAY!!!!
To summarize. I exposed myself to mindfulness practice in an effort to relieve self of debilitating anxiety. An App that uses mindfulness to help relieve oneself of unwanted habits found me. My desire to quit and the repetition of that App not only relieved me of my habit, it opened me up to a whole new way of thinking and feeling and living.
I was on my way here to share an experience with you. I then realized it was Friday. The new weekly Photo Challenge comes out on Friday. Who does not love a Friday? I shall continue with my experience, go check today’s challenge, and finish this later. 2 days later I came up with this…………….
I went to pick up our large pizza with bacon & extra cheese.
I was greeted by the owner of the shop. I had met him once before.
He gave me my pizza and said “$11.95”.
“whoa”, i replied. “that is not nearly enough”
“Enough for you. You nice lady. You no pay extra.”I stashed my 2 $20’s
and gave him everything else I had (around $15). As he started to make change, I gestured toward his employees and said, “give it to them.” it all went in the tip jar.
Life is so Full of Curves. The owner of the Pizza joint threw me a CURVE by remembering I went out of my way to Thank him…………….Once…………….6 months ago.
I shall now throw a few curves at you. they appear to be Every where. All around me. all you have to do is Look! Do you see them too?
My very first thought when i saw this weeks challenge was water. Water is pure. I even have pictures I have already taken of water. Easy challenge this week. or so I thought. Unfortunately my pictures involved rain water and Rain Water is not so pure any more.
Could that Big Black Beast on the Left possibly be 1 reason my water & air aren’t so pure anymore?
So, getting back to Pure. My next thought involved babies. Can’t get much purer than Babies. Hmmm. I probably shouldn’t go up to a complete stranger to ask if I could take pictures of their kid. I love meeting new people, but that would be a bit Too weird. For all of us. So, Stranger’s Babies are not an option. Then I remembered, My cousin and her wife just had a lil one. I can find pictures of her. But, they would not have been taken by me and it would be rather rude to steal them.
Welcome to the big bad world Reese. No need to ever worry. Your Moms will always keep you safe. Not to mention your humongous extended family has no issue with kicking some butt for you now and again.
Pure? Babies? Babies. Duh!!!! Babies!!!! I know where to find tons of them. After all It is baby season at The Farm. New ones being born every day.
NutMeg and Spice are Nubian goats. NutMeg was born a few hours before this picture was taken. Today even. The Mom might not be so pure, but her daughter certainly is. Nubians are highly Intelligent animals, but can have a stubborness about them. Very simlilar to my last three dogs. I had to get SnoopE and the Beagle Bros in here somewhere.
Oh and here is another Not so pure. But, a heck of a lot of FUN to be around.
Old meets New
When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to do or where to go with it. All I knew was that I felt better when I wrote shit down.
Here we are roughly 6 months later….
- I have taken blogging101
- writing101 came next
- then Photo101
- then Life got in the way
I became obsessive over completing Blogging101. See my history and you might understand why. I learned so much from this course. I was wicked new to blogging and I was learning stuff that a woman of my age should know. widgets, image widgets, feature, Know your audience, INSPIRATION…. COMMUNITY!!!!
I did not expect or have any clue that starting a blog came with such a fantastic community. I am very grateful I was led to WordPress. Yes Lily Pup you are to blame for that.
After Blogging101 came Writing101. I am proud to say I did well with this class. The obsession I had during Blogging101 was not present. Damnitall. I read a blog post recently where the writer talks about swearing, I’ve been swearing ever since. It is part of my Distinct Voice, which I also learned about in writing101. I learned so much more than I could have ever anticipated.
Writing 101 is where I received my first bit of criticism. Maybe it was Blogging 101? It truly does not matter now. The assignment was to write about your home. I requested constructive criticism and I got it. It basically said, “show me, Don’t tell me.” Funny how one of the very next assignments was “Show me, Don’t tell me.”
I’ve been Wicked obsessing again. I can’t really focus on random obsessive thoughts today because it is so much more than just thoughts right now. My brain feels like a family size pot of Obsessive Thought Soup, anxiously simmering on the wood stove. OTS should not be confused with LPS or Llama Poop Soup which in itself can be obsessive, but is a completely different kind of soup.
Okay, my most prevalent recent obsessions are as follows….
- obsessing over never having finished Photo101. Life got in the way of that and it was put on the back burner.
- Obsessing over last weeks Photo Challenge (Close-Ups if you missed it).
- Obsessing over this
- all those other things.
- And now I am Obsessing over how many cooking references I can accidentally have in one post.
I tried sitting with the thoughts and letting them go. I tried distraction as a way to rid myself of these thoughts. Old negative coping techniques no longer work so I shall not even go there. I could verbally rant, but I don’t feel like bothering anyone else with my batshitcrazy way of thinking right now. Maybe if I take each named obsession one by one and rant a bit, they will lessen. If I do this right, I should be able to rid myself of these obsessive thoughts, complete Obsessive Thought Thursday (maybe a day early even), do some work on Photo101, and release from my mind the other close-ups I’ve been obsessing over.
I do believe I am feeling an increase in anxiety which may be causing an increase in obsessive thoughts which definitely is causing more anxiety which leads to compulsions…………….OR did the obsessive thoughts start first which led to the elevation of anxiety which led to more obsessive thoughts which in turn led to compulsions……………All I know is I am obsessing. Other coping skills did not work, so right now I am attempting to rant them away by writing. I shall write those obsessions right out of me. Write and rant about obsessions in order to rid myself of those same obsessions. Is this making sense to anyone???? I think I may have confused even myself. I refuse to add to the anxiety by starting to obsess over the # of times I just wrote “right” and “write” or obsess over those run-on sentences I let stay.
Ah, I just took a break for breathing. Breaks for deep breaths are good AND I completely forget about them almost all of the time. How come the stuff that is the best for me when I obsess and feel anxiety are the last things I remember to try? If I didn’t mind bothering other human beings, the very 1st thing they would have told me to do is BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Each and Every One of them would have said in a firm, yet tender voice, STOP and BREATHE!!!! and not in a loud voice either. I have been doing very well with firm, yet tender prompts. “No, buts, just STOP and BREATHE.” They may have to repeat it. And possibly repeat it again, but it helps.
Time to stop ranting and writing and hit save. This breathing thing is calming me down. I am obsessing less and think that I just might be able to stop writing for now and maybe eat supper. Who cares when I finish Photo101? I can’t just pull photo’s out of my
ass, I mean hat, to match the subject of the assignment in the order they are assigned. Look at this past weeks weekly challenge. It just happened to be close-ups. To start, I went looking for close-ups. After I published my 1st attempt, close-up opportunities kept popping up everywhere. Inspiration can come from anywhere.
Day Seven of Photo101 Big & Point of View. Ah screw it. I am feeling better. Less obsessive, and no anxiety. I am no longer obsessing over finishing Photo101. I also did tomorrow’s regular weekly feature today. So that leaves time open tomorrow to work on last months Photo101 assignments. and I forgot my 5:32 PM Ativan again. So here’s to Obsessing or to Not obsessing. I much prefer not.
I obsessed over some of these flowers the other day. Thursday to be exact. Obsessive Thought Thursday. Afraid I wouldn’t get pictures in time.
Today I discovered them all along the brook. Both sides, up and down. Just in time for this weeks photo challenge. They are everywhere. I am looking forward to see what pops next.
If I got any closer, I’d be in the Brook.