partners in everything

it took a few days for me to figure out what to do with this partners challenge. I absolutely love the word ‘partner’.  I use it in place of husband a lot. Just something I have to do????????????????  he is my partner/spouse/husband/cook/bestfriend.  then I thought Jax and I make darn good partners.  He is half deaf, I am half blind.  It just works.  But I needed better than one of us. Plus a photo of us would end up being a selfie and I am not ready for that.  Snoop E may post selfiesI may not.

then it came to me.  I had 2 very cool partners in my life for over 14 years.  They were the Beagle Brothers.  and boy were they ever great partners.  their partnership started early.  they were from the same litter. September 28th 1999. I only remember this as it just happens to be my Babca’s birthday as well, but she was born in 1907.

So, enter our beagle partners/kids/brothers/troubletimes2/Boys

 

 

 

 

figured something out????

When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to do or where to go with it.  All I knew was that I felt better when I wrote shit down.

Here we are roughly 6 months later….

  1. I have taken blogging101
  2. writing101 came next
  3. then Photo101
  4. then Life got in the way

I became obsessive over completing Blogging101.  See my history and you might understand why.  I learned so much from this course.  I was wicked new to blogging and I was learning stuff that a woman of my age should know.   widgets, image widgets, feature, Know your audience, INSPIRATION…. COMMUNITY!!!!

I did not expect or have any clue that starting a blog came with such a fantastic community.  I am very grateful I was led to WordPress.  Yes Lily Pup you are to blame for that.

After Blogging101 came Writing101.  I am proud to say I did well with this class.  The obsession I had during Blogging101 was not present.  Damnitall.  I read a blog post recently where the writer talks about swearing, I’ve been swearing ever since.  It is part of my Distinct Voice, which I also learned about in writing101. I learned so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

Writing 101 is where I received my first bit of criticism.  Maybe it was Blogging 101? It truly does not matter now.  The assignment was to write about your home.  I requested constructive criticism and I got it.  It basically said, “show me, Don’t tell me.”  Funny how one of the very next assignments was “Show me, Don’t tell me.” 

Russell J. Fellows on April 8, 2015 at 8:56 am said:

What a peaceful sounding place. I think I’ve told many people the same thing, but I want to tell you also: be more immersive in this writing. You have a lot of good description to work with, but I want to experience it through your eyes, not just through you telling me what is what. Instead of “The entrance to where I am is like a dirt road that leads you through a tunnel…” say “A road of dirt and rock leads you through a tunnel of beeches and oaks to a clearing…” or something like that. Does that make sense?

Then came Photo 101. Another great WordPress offering. I have yet to finish this course, but I have many great excuses. Life stuff took over for a while and I was unable to keep focused on learning about photography.  I still have hopes to finish this class, but will do so in my own time.

I have also been unable to keep up with my weekly feature OTT.  I have decided none of this matters.  What matters is that Today, I am doing every thing in my power to be okay.  My goal today and every day is to beat depression.  When my head tells me I am better off staying in my pajamas, I get in my clothes and do something.  When it tells me, “you don’t need a shower today”, I go out, get extra dirty, have fun doing it, and have no choice but to shower.  When someone who counts asks me How I am, I tell them the truth.  I have chosen to take the word “FINE” out of my vocabulary.

When my therapist suggested I leave little notes around my house that simply say “BREATHE”, I listened.  Now my house has little notes everywhere reminding me to breathe.  Breathing is such a simple thing to do, yet so very difficult when I need it most.  I have also learned along the way that deep breathing helps with so much more than just anxiety.  Provided I remember to do it.  The more I do it the easier it is to remember.  Everything takes practice.

So, take a minute. Stop. Just breathe. and don’t forget your blog

Duh. I almost forgot to mention what it was I may have figured out?  If blogging has rules, I do not think I can follow them. I am okay with suggestions, but I don’t believe I have any hope with rules. It has been 6 months and I still do not know what this thing is about.  I am okay with that.

Are Ya Ready for Tomorrow????

Obsessive Thought Soup ====
Start with Numerous Random Thoughts
Add 4 dashes of Fear and Worry
Stir 16 times
Let simmer for exactly 64 minutes
Breathe and Let it Go
REPEAT

I’ve been Wicked obsessing again.  I can’t really focus on random obsessive thoughts today because it is so much more than just thoughts right now.  My brain feels like a family size pot of Obsessive Thought Soup, anxiously simmering on the wood stove. OTS should not be confused with LPS or Llama Poop Soup which in itself can be obsessive, but is a completely different kind of soup.

Okay, my most prevalent recent obsessions are as follows….

  • obsessing over never having finished Photo101.  Life got in the way of that and it was put on the back burner.
  • Obsessing over last weeks Photo Challenge (Close-Ups if you missed it).
  • Obsessing over this
  • that
  • all those other things.
  • And now I am Obsessing over how many cooking references I can accidentally have in one post.

I tried sitting with the thoughts and letting them go. I tried distraction as a way to rid myself of these thoughts. Old negative coping techniques no longer work so I shall not even go there.  I could verbally rant, but I don’t feel like bothering anyone else with my batshitcrazy way of thinking right now. Maybe if I take each named obsession one by one and rant a bit, they will lessen.  If I do this right, I should be able to rid myself of these obsessive thoughts, complete Obsessive Thought Thursday (maybe a day early even), do some work on Photo101, and release from my mind the other close-ups I’ve been obsessing over.

I do believe I am feeling an increase in anxiety which may be causing an increase in obsessive thoughts which definitely is causing more anxiety which leads to compulsions…………….OR did the obsessive thoughts start first which led to the elevation of anxiety which led to more obsessive thoughts which in turn led to compulsions……………All I know is I am obsessing.  Other coping skills did not work, so right now I am attempting to rant them away by writing. I shall write those obsessions right out of me. Write and rant about obsessions in order to rid myself of those same obsessions. Is this making sense to anyone???? I think I may have confused even myself.  I refuse to add to the anxiety by starting to obsess over the # of times I just wrote “right” and “write” or obsess over those run-on sentences I let stay.

Ah, I just took a break for breathing.  Breaks for deep breaths are good AND I completely forget about them almost all of the time.  How come the stuff that is the best for me when I obsess and feel anxiety are the last things I remember to try?  If I didn’t mind bothering other human beings, the very 1st thing they would have told me to do is BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Each and Every One of them would have said in a firm, yet tender voice, STOP and BREATHE!!!! and not in a loud voice either.  I have been doing very well with firm, yet tender prompts. “No, buts, just STOP and BREATHE.” They may have to repeat it. And possibly repeat it again, but it helps.

Close-Up of Toad that kept jumping out at me

Close-Up of Toad
that kept jumping
out at me

Time to stop ranting and writing and hit save.  This breathing thing is calming me down.  I am obsessing less and think that I just might be able to stop writing for now and maybe eat supper. Who cares when I finish Photo101?  I can’t just pull photo’s out of my ass, I mean hat, to match the subject of the assignment in the order they are assigned. Look at this past weeks weekly challenge.  It just happened to be close-ups.  To start, I went looking for close-ups. After I published my 1st attempt, close-up opportunities kept popping up everywhere. Inspiration can come from anywhere.

Day Seven of Photo101 Big & Point of View.  Ah screw it.  I am feeling better. Less obsessive, and no anxiety. I am no longer obsessing over finishing Photo101.  I also did tomorrow’s regular weekly feature today. So that leaves time open tomorrow to work on last months Photo101 assignments. and I forgot my 5:32 PM Ativan again.  So here’s to Obsessing or to Not obsessing.  I much prefer not.

3rd Leibster award nomination

I have again been nominated for an award.  I do not usually accept awards because I can not follow the rules that come along with them. I do like this award in particular because I love answering the questions that come with it. The questions become part of my “about me” category.

I was nominated by Suzanne(FindingHerVoice)

Eleven Questions For You:

1. What ultimately got you motivated to get started and how long have you been blogging? I have been blogging since February 2015.  My archives say January, but that was a minor mistake on my part.  My therapist encouraged me to write because she thought writing would help me see things clearer. She also thought that the way I was able to express my thoughts and feelings via writing might be beneficial to others.  I met a woman on a web site who had a blog. lily pups life – bipolar and recovery. She encouraged me to try one myself.  I did and here we are.

2. Do you prefer to write best in the morning or at the end of the day?  I guess I  prefer the morning.  I like it when it is quiet and no one is home but me.  I like to sit down with my iced coffee and just write. Kind of like what I am doing right now.  Thank you for helping me write today Suzanne.

3. Do you give like that it’s somewhat anonymous or do you give your blog URL the friends or family? Such a simple question that is going to get a most difficult answer.  I like that my blog is somewhat anonymous.  My husband has the key, and one very old friend. I let one friend in because I hadn’t seen her in 30 years and thought it would be an easy way for her to see what I have been doing.  No one else in my real life knows where my blog is. Although if they truly wanted to, it would not be hard to find. I have shared a few stories with a few other relatives, but am not ready to say “hey here it is!!!! Read it all!!!!  My Mom and I discussed giving her access, and we both agreed it would be better if she didn’t have it.  Some things she would prefer not to know.  When I write something I think she may enjoy, I print it out for her.

4. Did you keep a journal as a child/teen? I did keep journals when younger.  I probably still have each and every one of them stored somewhere.  Journals were different from blogging for me.  Journals were for me and me alone. I shared them with no one.  I do not know what I would have done had blogging been an option when I was younger.

5. Are you an emotional writer? Do you write more for your heart or your head? I like to think I do a little of both.  I definitely start by writing from the heart, but then my head always seems to get involved somehow. I have tried doing it the other way around, start with my head, but it just doesn’t seem to work out as well. I think my heart is a better motivator than my head.

6. Do you have more blog posts that you have begun (in draft mode) or that you have completed)?  I am going to guess and say that the number of published posts and drafts are about even.  I have one particular draft that is full of random thoughts and ideas.  I sometimes take these ideas and turn them into published posts.

7. If you could/did write a bestselling book what would it be about? I did not have to think about this question for very long.  Angels!!!!  I would love to write about angels and how I believe they have touched my life and others. Since I started this blog, I have written a bit about angels, but only published one so far. The hardest thing Evah would be my brief introduction to writing about angels. Also, I mention angels in a couple of my Relationship posts.

8. What is the best feedback you’ve received on a blog post?  All feedback I get is important to me.  I have 2 bests though.  1 would be acknowledgment that something I wrote made a difference in someone’s life.  Especially if that meant making them laugh. The other is constructive criticism.  I asked for it once so I could improve my writing. I got it and it helped me see how I could make my writing better.

9. Where do you get your ideas for your blog posts? I get my ideas from my daily life. For example, I was cutting down tree saplings in my yard and had to go to the store.  It turned into a post called Has the Future been written already ????

This must have been a good day as you can see the crab rangoons on the left

This must have been a good day as you can see the crab rangoons on the left

10. What is your favourite food? This is an easy question to answer and it comes with a picture. Buffalo chicken tenders with Jojo’s.  If we have extra cash, we will get either onion rings or very special crab rangoons on the side.  The crab rangoons are very special because I will only eat them from this particular restaurant. They are 128% better than anything you might find in a Chinese restaurant.

11. What is the best advice you can give your fellow bloggers about how to get new subscribers? The best advice I have is the only advice I have.  Engage with other bloggers.  If someone likes a post of yours, visit them and see what they have written.  If you like what you find let them know that.  Even if you think their blog is just not for you, at least let them know you were there. The feeling I get when someone acknowledges something I have published is a darn good one.  I like knowing I might be able to help others feel the same way. 

Whoa.  I am done already.  That went quicker than I thought.  It took a while, but it did not feel like awhile.  Thank you again Suzanne for the nomination.  Maybe if I can ever figure out how to follow rules, I will start accepting awards.  For now, I will just have to go back and answer the question I missed.liebster-award

Treasure/Close-up Photo 16

Day Sixteen: Treasure & Close-up

This is a treasure I found on my Dad’s headstone shortly after he passed away. It has been there ever since.

Guardian Bell

A Guardian Bell is a small metal bell attached onto a motorcycle to ward off evil spirits or gremlins. The bells have more of an effect when they are given as a gift.

Legend has it that evil road spirits/gremlins have been attaching themselves onto motorcycles for as long as bikes have been on the road. These spirits are responsible for mechanical problems and bad luck on a journey. They enjoy causing trouble for bikers.

To stay safe, all one needs to do is to attach a little bell somewhere on the bike. Legend goes on to say that by doing this, the gremlins, curious as to where the ringing comes from, put their heads up into the bell. They become trapped. There, the constant ringing drives them insane, making them lose their strength and power until they fall to the ground and die.

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There are many different variations of the guardian bell legend.
image

Day 19 – You are all in trouble Now

Day Nineteen: Don’t Stop the Rockin’

Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop. No self-editing, no trash-talking, and no second guessing: just go. Bonus points if you tackle an idea you’ve been playing with but think is too silly to post about.

I guess I will start at the beginning.  Rumi.  He has been coming up in my life a lot recently.  I should figure out who the heck he is first, then figure out what he has to say.  I do like this quote….

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”Rumi

This one is pretty good as well….

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”Rumi

For someone who lived in the 13th century a lot of his stuff makes sense today. Especially the wine one.

Okay enough of that crap.  I am not looking for extra credit by tackling something I have been working on that is “too silly” Everything about me is silly in one way or another.  I have been working on a couple of things that I hope to finish one day.  I’ve been working so hard on Writing101 that I have been neglecting my Blog. LMAO!!!! or at least what I thought was going to be my blog.

I have a few unfinished master pieces.  I think I may have my first installment of an angel series I want to try out.  Writing about angels was not part of the plan when I started this blog.  Life happens and things change.

Cool 250 words.  Almost done LOL

Relationships are not one of my areas of expertise, yet I wicked want to write about them.  I have experimented with writing about online relationship a bit, but I want to write about other relationships as well.  Mother/daughter and husband and wife come to mind.  Relationships with my beagle could be entertaining.  But if you have never owned a beagle, you might not understand.  Even after I explain it.

83 more words and I am done.  I know that because in 4th grade I was taught about reciprocals. I bet they don’t even teach that math method today.  I remember every day we would get the same quiz.  Get a 100% on the quiz and no more quizzes.  You got early recess instead.  I had trouble getting that 100%.  Did I mention it was timed? I knew my reciprocals I just didn’t  them fast enough.  Until one day my teacher watched me.  I would go down one column, up the next, down again, and up the last.  The teacher suggested I go only down.  Top to Bottom. Wouldn’t you know it the next time I took the quiz I got 100%.  You’d think I would have learned the life lesson of “taking suggestions” back then.  NOPE took me another 35 years for that lesson to sink in.

Uh Oh 461 words.  I know it said “at least” 400 words.  I have no problem with that.  I need help knowing when I am done. That 461 which is now 492 can easily morph into 1004.  I wicked like the word “Morph” right now.  I seem to be getting a lot of use out of it.  516 is a pretty good number too.  But now that I said that the count has gone higher.  See that it just went up again.

THE END (568)

569 since I edited it on July 4th 2015 ________Take that OCD!!!!

DAMN 579 Now…ummmm 580 +2

HaHa it worked. Damn 586

Day 17 what do you fear?

Day Seventeen: Your Personality on the Page. Today’s Prompt: We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears. Today’s Twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own

.

haha No commas!!!!  I have been afraid of so many things for so long it is hard to pick just one.  But I will. I fear losing My Home

.

Right now.  I have My Home.

It is me.  My partner.  My beagle.

I have had other similar homes.  Some included my partner and beagle.

Others did not.

This is My Home.  I am content here.  It is peaceful.

Life can be hard.  I do it anyway.

It is quiet here.  I can hear me.  I can hear you.  I can hear my partner.

I do not always understand him.  I know this.  I listen anyway.

I can hear my beagle.

Today.

He has less to say.  He still talks.

I listen to it all and to nothing.  I hear the quiet.  The noise is gone.

I fear the noise will return.

I am vigilant.

I could easily lose my home if the noise returns.

My goal.

Listen.

Do not let the noise get loud.

word on page 29

Day Fourteen: To Whom It May Concern

Today’s Prompt: Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration Today’s twist: write the post in the form of a letter.

There are just so many different uses for the word.  It has had quite a history and I am sure a very fine future.  It has been used as titles of movies, a magazine, and music albums.  There is a whole series of books and many working in the crash test field.  The word that jumped out of me on page 29 was dummy.  I chuckled as I realized I could definitely work with that.  The definitions I am going to focus on is a stupid person; idiot; jackass; moron; and to keep silent; refuse to answer; as in ‘dummy up’.wpid-images-7-jpg

Hey dumbass,

haha I laugh at you today.  Did you really think you could get rid of me forever.  You know I may leave temporarily but I never go far.  You are a true idiot if you think that just because I have been gone so long this time that you start to think I could never return. I am here to remind you of me.  Remind you of what I can do.

What a moron you can be sometimes.  You were getting too smaht there for a while.  I had to change things up a bit. I came at you working with agitation and irritability this time. Wasn’t I the smaht one? Remember, I always return. I may look different sometimes, but I guarantee it is always me. 

I may have stayed away too long this time though. You had time to work on other things. Get better in other ways. Find more support. I am very powerful and will always be able to make you do what I want. I am sneaky and unrelenting.

Have as much fun as you can for now.  Because I am coming back.  I am coming back stronger than ever.

– See you soon – Your depressive brain

Hey Jack ass,

Guess what. The jokes on you. I see you coming.  Too much time has passed.  I had time to do things. Time to change things. The biggest thing I have done was become more aware.  So aware that I already see you messing around with my sleep.  You are trying to fool me by doing it slowly, but I am not fooled.  I can see it happening.  So guess what?  I did not dummy up this time.  When I saw you playing with my sleep this month, I got voice to talk about it.  I and other folk are aware of what you are trying to do. They all know.  They are all watching.  We have ways to make you lose control of sleep. When we sleep, you lose your power.  We are not letting you get so out of hand that you get strong this time.  We will stop you and stop you now. 

We are no longer the dummy you thought you had to work with.  I played it smaht. I learned new skills, tried new things, became more courageous, and voice worked with mouth to open up. We have the power to kick your dumbass.

Bring it on Depressive brain this is the new and improved, strong, mighty, healthy brain you are messing with this time.  And, I have control of voice. Boy, she has loved talking.  I almost forgot, we found hope too.  We found her and we are not letting go of her this time.

a post based on my own, personalized take on a blogging prompt.

Take this (terrible) prompt: Two plus two equals four: yes or no?

I do not think that is such a terrible prompt.  I believe I could easily write at least 832 words about the number 4.  Remember, 4 is one of my magical numbers.  But I will leave that OCD story for another day. Todays prompt is Places Beach, mountain, forest, or somewhere else entirely?

My first thought when I read this was wow, I have lived in, or near, or on all these places. I can write about this. I grew up in a neighborhood that was cleaved out of a forest. One day it was dense forest.  A few weeks later it was a large neighborhood full of brand new houses.  I am guessing on the time frame as I was 1 and have no recollection of this time.  All I know is as a I grew I absolutely loved trees. The woods were my adventure land.  There were old train tracks that went through these woods that left the perfect trail that led to downtown. Walking to town via this trail was so much more fun than using a simple road.  I remember crab apple fights with other neighborhood kids. Top of the hill versus kids from the bottom of the hill.  Even in a tiny town environment, where you lived was very important. It was one neighborhood yet we were still somewhat divided. I lived in the middle of the hill so I got to choose my place in the neighborhood. Although I chose the top, if I think about who I would call if I just needed someone to talk to who would just listen, that would be my friend who lived at the bottom. We couldn’t be best friends growing up as she lived at the bottom of the hill, but when I think about who was the one person who stood by me during all my turbulent times, it would be her.  We haven’t spoken in a very long time as we are separated by distance and the fact that she refuses to use Facebook and I hate the phone.  The last time we talked, she didn’t even have to tell me why she was calling, I just knew.  That is the kind of friendship we have.  I bet if I called her right now, we would pick up exactly where we left off.  Maybe I will go look for my address book.

I have written around 380 words and I haven’t even touched upon beach or mountain.  So beach.  Beach was a vacation spot.  Beach was a day trip.  Although we lived in the middle of the state and were far from an ocean, we had so many choices. There was Hampton Beach if you wanted a very lively, active place to spend some time.  Rhode Island offered killer waves that my Nana taught us to love.  Then there was the Cape.  The Cape is the Cape to any who have ever truly loved it.  It is Cape Cod to the rest of the world.  When I grew up, I moved to the big city.  There was an ocean a few miles away.  But one night when I absolutely needed the beach and the ocean, I drove 3 hours to the Cape.  It wasn’t until I was on my way home the same night that I realized I could have easily driven a few miles to the beach.  It would not have been the same.  I was also in the middle of another bout of depression and wasn’t thinking my best.

When my Dad passed away, we decided to make a move.  We decided to leave the city and move closer to my Mom.  A lot of odd things were happening in our life and it all made this move possible.  We ended up buying a log cabin on the side of a mountain.  The first things we bought after our first night there were nightlights.  Boy does it ever get dark when there are only stars, no street lights .  Stars are so much better than streetlights.  Our dogs were in beagle heaven.  The neighbors didn’t call the cops when the boys acted like beagles.  There were no neighbors.  The toughest thing about living here was that the mountain was very hard on car brakes.  Anything and everything you need is at the bottom of the hill.

We have now settled in the forest by a brook.  The beagles can still be beagles here.  If we need the mountain, it is a twenty minute drive.  If we need the beach we go visit my sister.  This is the only house that does not flood and is the only house where flood insurance is mandatory.  One thing I have noticed about forests today is that I can’t find any climbable trees.  Growing up I lived in the trees.   Now that I think about it, maybe the trees are still climbable.  Maybe because I am seeing the world through the eyes of a somewhat older woman, I can’t see them like a kid can?

So there you have my latest blogging 101 assignment.  I used a prompt to vent about life. In what I hope was a somewhat humorous way.  I am so getting an A in this class.

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A Different Kind Of Coming Out Story

This post all started because todays assignment was to make a better blogroll. I was visiting a friends blog to look at her blogroll.  Her blog led me to another blog which inspired me to write this post.  I was so inspired that I decided to do yesterdays homework over again.  See that, I used links back to their blogs. I am so learning from blogging101!  If I did everything right, those links should go to lily pups life, Lesbian Like Me, and yesterdays homework Get Inspired by the neighbors. 

Mine is called a different kind of coming out story because I have never heard of another like it.  I guess you could say I kinds “Came Out Twice”.

I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning.  I had my 1st long-term boyfriend in the 6th grade.  I don’t know how old you are then, but it was too young to engage in more than a kiss. I remember that first kiss.  I remember thinking how soft his lips were, almost like what I imagined a girls to be like.  The following year, I recall that we did engage in what I guess could be described as heavy petting. I was okay during it as we were experimenting just like we were suppose to.  When he left I did not even want to kiss him.  I felt that uncomfortable.  We broke up.

High School came a long and I spent the whole time boyfriendless. I just wasn’t interested. One night I decided I was going to lose my virginity. So that is what I did.  I was out with classmates and we were drinking.  I looked at one of them and said. “I am going to have sex with you Tonight.”  Imagine being a 17 year old boy and have an 18 year old girl telling you this.  I probably don’t have to tell you, but he said yes.

When I was around 19, enter new friends Bill and Karen . Roger and Kate. Bill was older and had a crush on me, Karen was younger and I ended up sleeping with her one day.  Just like that. This was my 1st experience with a woman, it was not Karen’s. To Me, It seemed to be the most natural thing in the world.  The next day I felt different.  All day at work I was paranoid that everyone knew I had slept with a woman.  It is all I could think about.  I never saw Karen again until maybe 15 years later, but that shall be a whole story.

When I was 20 I relocated to a different part of the state.  I was a simple country girl dropped in the middle of Sin City. No one knew me there.  I was in a somewhat serious relationship with a man at the time, but when I moved we lost touch. Everything was changing so fast for me, light dawning everywhere. I figured what the heck. why not live my life as a lesbian  The coming out process was fairly easy for me.  It involved telling my Mom, sister, and the only friend I had left.  My mom responded with, “I always thought that, I just didn’t want to mention it.” My sister said “I always knew that, I just didn’t want to say anything.” And my best friend confessed that she too was a lesbian and in love with her best friend.  See, Did I lie? I said it was fairly easy

Through the years I dated, was single, dated some more, had my heart broken, and was single again.  I went to all the Pride Parades, went back to college with Women’s Studies as my 1st course, and even took the RedEye to DC for The March On Washingtonmarchonwashington I still have my necklace marchonwashington2                            Enter Jax.

I mentioned this name before in this Blogging101assignment.  The very first thing this man ever heard me say was “who the hell is Jax and why does he have my job?”  There was downsizing going on, we had to sign up for new jobs and Jax took the one I wanted. He approached, pointed to another, and commented  “if you took that one we would be working together.”  I figured what the heck at least I would know someone in the new building.  I worked nights in an institution.  For the most part it remained quiet so the staff had a lot of time to talk and get to know one another. I might go into a ‘not so quiet night sometime, but that might take a book. I made some lifelong friends working those nights.  I eventually found the woman I thought I wanted to be with.  We knew each other as coworkers and tried to expand on that.  Our relationship moved very fast.  Maybe a bit too fast for me.  I found myself at night talking about my relationship to Jax. He in turn talked about his relationship.  We got to be pretty good friends.  One night I was talking to another coworker David about my relationship. He shocked the hell right out of me when he said,

“I do not think you are a lesbian, and I do not think you are straight. I think you are going to fall in love with a human being, a person not a sex.” -David Hoyt

bestfriends

Around this same time I was promoted and switched shifts. The shift change limited my time with my girlfriend.  I had a lot of time alone, to think. This is not always a good thing for me, but this time it may have been.  I thought about my life, my feelings, my relationships, my sexuality.  I was never really good at any of those things and here they all were, all at once, right in front of me.  I just knew I was not in love with my GF.  I was in love with MY FRIEND!!!!  Jax was my friend and somewhere along the way he became more.

 friends with benefits made us laugh four a very long time.

It was harder telling my Mom I was in love with a man than it was to tell her I  was gay. In September, Jax and I will have been married 15 years.  We have had some interesting, trying, joyful times, we have gotten through them all.  Life is a little bit easier when you are on the Journey with Your Friend. your best friend.

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