introducing William

I rarely question my assignment. Today I was given the job I’ve been preparing for. Everything is ready, T’s have been dotted, I’s crossed, and assignments handed out. I am to hang with an 8-year-old boy named Tim.  Anna, Tim’s sister just came back over a few days ago. She only had 12 years on Earth this time, but she did her job quicker and better than most. I spent some time with her when she first arrived back home. She will be at or above my own level. She did well on Earth. She gets to rest for as long as she desires then it is off to work she goes.  I love how she calls me Will instead of William. I believe this is going to be a beautiful, powerful friendship.

Most don’t take much time off. Some choose to retire, but no one lasts long at that. There are so many people who need our help. Speaking of help I should go down to Tim, my newest assignment.  With Anna leaving him for a bit, I have (my) work to do.

Anna made me laugh the first time I met her. She told me she has already been testing her family. She was able to assign her brother, Tim to the Angels’ baseball team. Anna’s Mom noticed that right away, and that night Anna sent Tim a dream. Tim recalled this vivid dream and shared it with his Mom. They were able to smile together. I guess Anna is declining her opportunity to have a break. Only the best do that.

Anna might have chosen the body of a child this time, but she is such a strong old soul, full of wisdom. I am going to be proud to have her as my newest companion. With this family I got assigned to way back when, Anna’s insight will be invaluable.  That’s not to say with all my preparation and dedication I can’t hold my own, just that more help reaches further.

Catherine and Emily. For the longest time I thought I had them.  When I left my body, they truly believed in me and my power. I proved it to them using that JH dude. Twice!Over the years they have stumbled a bit. I think Emily might be on her way back to believing I am there. It’s taken some time, but she is starting to see the signs I’ve been sending her. I was pretty subtle for a while, then the Senior dude visited. The Senior dude told me to hit her with a biggie. Not too big though.“She needs to WAKE UP!!!!” She recovered nicely from that sign and now I believe I have her back.

Jax and Catherine. Well they are going to take more time. They will be open to me soon though. As long as I have the whole team playing, rookies included. They will hear us. As long as she stays open, They are gonna have to listen to Emily. Since Anna and I teamed up,  It is almost as if Emily forgot to lock her door.  I am also proud of how outspoken she has become.  She has found her voice. This family is very special to me. They have so much work they still need to do. I sometimes wish we could get things done all by ourselves. But then again, it wouldn’t be right or much fun for any of us.

“It amazes me the racket the Senior Man has going on in relation to tHis family. He’s got me working with Anna in Sue’s house, while Clarence is in Canada convincing Hollow to motivate Emily to try on her appropriate funeral attire. Meanwhile Gabriel is in Pennsylvania, reminding Base, to remind Emily about us.” PHEW!!!! Busy, Busy, and Busy.

I’ve been waiting all day for Emily to ask for me to come with her tonight. The Senior Man wants us all there tonight. Everyone!!!! This Anna must be pretty special to him to bring out all stops like he is. I can’t wait to work with her more.

A message arrives, “Well would you look at that? Emily is asking for my help. This is way cool, she hasn’t asked for my help in a long time. I love it when they ask me to visit. I love them so much. Helping them is so much more fun when they know I am around. I know I am doing my job right when they feel me near. They do still have that free will crap the Big Ole One gave them. It is sometimes tough to work around.”

This story was supposed to be about Tim. Everything happens for a reason they say. The Senior Dude wants me to hang out with Tim all day. Or, for as long as he needs me. I must say, I have enjoyed my brief hiatus. Given the choice though, I’d much rather be working and spending time with the ones I was given. They can be so much fun. I feel like I’ve been on vacation forever.

Back in the saddle again as some might say. “I’m just gonna say thanks for the work Senior Man. I am so looking forward to your newest assignment.”

Enough documenting, it is time to visit Tim. I love working with kids. I have always loved them. They are so much more open to my suggestions than the older ones. This should be a fun day for me. Anna’s got her hands full with her Mom, Dad, and sisters. She will appreciate the time I spend with Tim.

“All I know is that this assignment involves the color purple. They never tell me more than I need to know. I just go with it and it all will be well. Plus, in time, when I find everything out, it will be breathtaking. Can breathtaking be a feeling?  If it can, then it is.”

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figured something out????

When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to do or where to go with it.  All I knew was that I felt better when I wrote shit down.

Here we are roughly 6 months later….

  1. I have taken blogging101
  2. writing101 came next
  3. then Photo101
  4. then Life got in the way

I became obsessive over completing Blogging101.  See my history and you might understand why.  I learned so much from this course.  I was wicked new to blogging and I was learning stuff that a woman of my age should know.   widgets, image widgets, feature, Know your audience, INSPIRATION…. COMMUNITY!!!!

I did not expect or have any clue that starting a blog came with such a fantastic community.  I am very grateful I was led to WordPress.  Yes Lily Pup you are to blame for that.

After Blogging101 came Writing101.  I am proud to say I did well with this class.  The obsession I had during Blogging101 was not present.  Damnitall.  I read a blog post recently where the writer talks about swearing, I’ve been swearing ever since.  It is part of my Distinct Voice, which I also learned about in writing101. I learned so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

Writing 101 is where I received my first bit of criticism.  Maybe it was Blogging 101? It truly does not matter now.  The assignment was to write about your home.  I requested constructive criticism and I got it.  It basically said, “show me, Don’t tell me.”  Funny how one of the very next assignments was “Show me, Don’t tell me.” 

Russell J. Fellows on April 8, 2015 at 8:56 am said:

What a peaceful sounding place. I think I’ve told many people the same thing, but I want to tell you also: be more immersive in this writing. You have a lot of good description to work with, but I want to experience it through your eyes, not just through you telling me what is what. Instead of “The entrance to where I am is like a dirt road that leads you through a tunnel…” say “A road of dirt and rock leads you through a tunnel of beeches and oaks to a clearing…” or something like that. Does that make sense?

Then came Photo 101. Another great WordPress offering. I have yet to finish this course, but I have many great excuses. Life stuff took over for a while and I was unable to keep focused on learning about photography.  I still have hopes to finish this class, but will do so in my own time.

I have also been unable to keep up with my weekly feature OTT.  I have decided none of this matters.  What matters is that Today, I am doing every thing in my power to be okay.  My goal today and every day is to beat depression.  When my head tells me I am better off staying in my pajamas, I get in my clothes and do something.  When it tells me, “you don’t need a shower today”, I go out, get extra dirty, have fun doing it, and have no choice but to shower.  When someone who counts asks me How I am, I tell them the truth.  I have chosen to take the word “FINE” out of my vocabulary.

When my therapist suggested I leave little notes around my house that simply say “BREATHE”, I listened.  Now my house has little notes everywhere reminding me to breathe.  Breathing is such a simple thing to do, yet so very difficult when I need it most.  I have also learned along the way that deep breathing helps with so much more than just anxiety.  Provided I remember to do it.  The more I do it the easier it is to remember.  Everything takes practice.

So, take a minute. Stop. Just breathe. and don’t forget your blog

Duh. I almost forgot to mention what it was I may have figured out?  If blogging has rules, I do not think I can follow them. I am okay with suggestions, but I don’t believe I have any hope with rules. It has been 6 months and I still do not know what this thing is about.  I am okay with that.

I missed O.T.T. again

I have done it again.  Or not done it depending on how you look at it.  I have been 100% distracted by life this past week or so. I thought about writing my Feature yesterday, but chose to lay down on my couch and rest instead. I have even neglected Photot101 as well.  I hope to catch up with that this weekend.

What has me so distracted that I am neglecting my blog, You ask?  I have been taking notes for a future story I may or may not write.  That story might be about euthanasia.  I only have notes so far, so i do not know where the story will lead me.  I have experienced euthanasia 3 times.  The first time I barely remember.  The second time upset me. It is the third time I may write about.  The third time was so very different from the first two.

So this is all you get for my Fridays version of Obsessive Thought Thursday. I am so very sorry I could not get you to laugh today.

This picture was originally published in Serenity Found Me, but it works so well for todays post.

solitude and peace Goodnight Sweet Prince.  I know longer have to worry about you.

solitude and peace
Goodnight Sweet Prince. I no longer have to worry about you.

Wasn’t sure what to do with “Day Six: Connect & Tags”

Then I went outside to take a short break from comforting my very old beagle.  I found this.

horizontal

horizontal

My husband connected the deck chair to the trash barrel.  then connected that to the laundry basket. Added a rake, creating a beagle blockade.  All in the attempt to prevent the beagle from trying to go in the yard and crawl under the deck.

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vertical

Internet Relations (Part deux)

internetfriends4I’m back and so is the story of MrAl. My first real online friend. One day I sent him an email. The reply I got was horrifying to say the least. It was from his wife. His wife didn’t know that much about the Net and emails and web sites. I remember her telling me she contacted her daughter and said, “Get on that thing, find someone, and tell them.” They found me. MrAl had died and his wife had no way of telling all the people he had built relationships with via the Net. Although he had met very few of them IRL, he ‘knew them’ and they ‘knew him’.

When his wife was finally able to contact me, it became my job to contact everyone else. I had only met his wife twice, but knew in my heart I needed to do this for her. She had no other way of letting people know he was gone. I like to think I did my job well. Some people I emailed, some I phoned, and some had to read it on a message board. I took my job one step further. I copied everything everyone wrote in response to Al’s death. Although many of the people did not know Al IRL, they were connected. They loved and cared for him. They had so many heartwarming things to say. His wife needed to know about these people and how much her husband had meant to them. My Mom and I went to Al’s funeral. I handed his family every great thing that was written about him. I hope on some level, they took some comfort in those words.

Today, people on the Net know so little and so much about me at the same time. They know what I think and feel, but do not know my name. They know what makes me laugh, but not where I live. They know I am female, but not what I look like. I know the same about them. I know that Base lives in either NC or SC, but I do not know her husband’s name. I know that Moogs is sober and married with a kid on the way, but I do not know what he does for a living. ((((Hollow)))) is younger than Base and I, is half a twin, and lives in Oh Canada         But,

Do I really know these things about them???? Baseline could be from NY and have homicidal tendencies. Moogs could be a show girl in Las Vegas. Hollow? Well, ((((Hollow)))) says she is from Oh Canada. I know so much yet so little about them. But, when I woke up extra early today and wanted someone to talk with, there were people there. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 3651/4 days a year. It may be 3 a.m. in my neck of the woods, but in Australia it is daytime. People are awake and ready for me.

One thing that is very different between real life and Internet relationships. The conversation you are having with an internet friend can all of a sudden end. When your Net connection stops for some reason, so does your conversation. This can be good and this can be bad. Great conversations have abruptly ended for me as have conversations I wanted to end but didn’t know how.  I guess I could accidently disconnect.

Back to my original online friendships. Starwindsinger. Starwindsinger was the name of the woman who slept over my mountain home with her son. I was feeling bad that I could not remember her name. My Mom always told me, if you can’t remember a name, go through each letter of the alphabet. The letters you hesitate on are the ones that will begin their name. I kept hearing “S” and “J” in my brain. Then Starswinger floated  around for a while. I finally landed/settled on Starwindsinger. Then the “J” started up again. By the time I got home, I knew her name was Jackie. Jackie Starwindsinger. I feel better remembering her name. I mean,” shoot, her kid and her had a sleepover at someone’s house they never met before.” I should at least remember her name.

I thought I was going to talk more about my present day online relationships in this post, but then I recalled having a second set of friends I originally met via the Net. I had just moved from the city to the mountains and knew no one. I had also been diagnosed with ADD. I put it together and found online support in my area for adults with ADD. We had a few people in the group and we met in public places.  I do not recall ever being weary of meeting them in person. Today I am weary with every little bit of information I share on the Net.  The Net and the people of the Net have definitely changed over the years, but I have changed as well.  I wonder what has changed the most????

Stay tuned for part three.  I did not know there was going to be a part 3.

Three points of view, one writer?

Today’s Prompt: A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene. Today’s twist: write the scene from three different points of view: from the perspective of the man, then the woman, and finally the old woman.

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. I can’t believe that little gray haired ole lady is knitting a red sweater.  Of all the things I could come across. The same sweater my Snoopy was wearing when he got hit by the snow plow during that freak storm. The white stripes make it identical. It has been a year to the day since Snoopy’s trip to the Rainbow Bridge. It can only be a sign from Snoopy. He is still with me. I had him 20 years. Deep down, I knew he would never leave me. I knew he would always come through for me. Why else in this heat would a little ole lady be knitting a red dog sweater.

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. I can’t believe seeing that little old lady is making Tim cry.  She must remind him of his Nanny who is dead at least 20 years now.  This man cries over everything.  Movies, stubbing his toe, animal cruelty, roadkill, and so on.  You’d think that a man so easily brought to tears would be more sensitive to my feelings. He’s never available when I am angry, or irritable, or agitated.  He’s never there for me when I have my spells either.  Why did we meet? Why am I with him?  Money cannot be the only reason? Can it?

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Oh Lordy, Lord!  I cannot believe it? Not these two again! The woman bickering all the time. The man always with the red, puffy eyes. I so hope these two are not married. and Kids, Oh Lord, please help their kids. I try so hard to avoid these two, yet they are always here. I come in the morning. They are here walking.  I wait until the afternoon. They are here walking. It’s too cool to come here in the evenings. I might be willing to try the evenings if I see them here again. If I didn’t know better I would swear they were stalking me. Sometimes they get here before me though.  Those are the days I see their car and tell the driver not to stop. “Keep on going.” I say. “Bring me to the library instead.”

The hardest thing Evah

I do believe I just finished doing the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

My Cousin’s son’s funeral. He was 12. He was sick his whole shortened life. He was so strong in spirit. Always strong in spirit. He will always remain strong in spirit.angelwings3

This is not me and the Dad I speak of in this story. I met that Dad later

This is not me and the Dad I speak of in this story. I met that Dad later

I did not want to do this. I tried to talk myself out of it numerous times. I had plenty of real good reasons not to go. I had two friends who stood with me and motivated me. They would have come with me if they weren’t hundreds of miles away. My husband called three times to make sure I was doing okay. I realized I had a choice; I could try to do this alone, all by myself, Or, I could ask my Dad in spirit to come with me. I chose the latter. I figured since a child was involved, he would be more than happy to drop whatever he was doing and help me out.

All I had to do was be open to him. What I did was still not easy to do, but it was doable when I felt my Dad was with me!!!!

My Aunt received my first hug of the night. She was with me in the funeral line when I heard and saw her begin to sob. I didn’t even think that I stunk of coffee and cigarettes. I grabbed her and gave her a big ole tight bear hug. I felt her hands on my back. I believe in clown language that patting the back means the hug is over. I wish I remembered what rubbing the back meant. In an up and down motion, not circular.  My Aunt then approached the deceased child’s body without me. Some how she moved forward toward my wicked spiritual Aunt. Who knows? Maybe she needed me for the hug and her sister for more strength than I had to offer. My next thought was maybe she moved up because I reeked of cigarettes and coffee?

angel-back-drawing

Got Your Back!!!!

I gave real tight hugs today. The best kind. I didn‘t want to let this family go. My Aunt and Uncle got 2 hugs each. I got chuckles from all the male gender in the family, smiles from the 2 daughters, and tears from the 2 Moms of the group. A solid family. I had no intention of making anyone laugh or smile. There was Nothing to say to this family. I let my heart speak. My family is strong. This was a very short life we lost. We are strong. The child was strong. He will be stronger now. We will always celebrate this young man’s life and spirit. His spirit lives on and we know it.

The first opportunity I had, I left. I did whatever it was I was supposed to do and I left.

I got the 3rd degree from the beagle when I got home. He was mad at first.  Apparently he spent the last half hour baying at the empty driveway. He followed me around the angel-drawingshouse until I realized why. I smelled. I did not smell like another dog, but I did have a distinct smell. All those tight hugs, of course I smelled different. Even a paltry difference no beagle can pass up. I squatted down and let him sniff away.  Funny!!!! I did not know I could still squat.

Internet Relationships Part Uno

John-Edward-Photo-Devon-Cass-2-1

John Edward NO “S” please get it right

My first experiences with Internet relationships began with my love of John Edward (JE). That is Edward, NO “S”. The one with an “S” is the politician, the one without an “S” is the psychic medium.

Anyway, I was new to the Internet. It was new to the world. I didn’t know a lot about it. I was willing to learn.

I discovered a web site that focused on people like me who loved John Edward, the show Crossing Over and everything to do with contacting and getting messages from “the other side”. The person who keeps popping in my head is MrAl. I don’t know how we hooked up originally, but I do know we hooked up for a reason.accident2 MrAl and I chatted a lot. We mostly communicated via the web site and eventually went to email. We didn’t have much in common except for our love of JE. I enjoyed talking with Al. He had a daughter,Jodi who had passed and we talked a lot about her. I had my Dad. At some point we decided to meet. Just like that. We both had plans to go to a JE seminar and figured “what the heck, we will be at the same place, at the same time, for the same thing. Why not get together?”

This was before the world found out how many crazy/not quite well/scary people could be found on the Internet. But just a hair after 911. I don’t even think Al knew my real name the day we met. All he knew was that I would be the one wearing the bright orange Bass Pro Shop baseball cap.  Today, Summer 2015 I can be found in a hat I call my Australian Outback hat. It sports the American flag sewn (by my hand) on the front.

So, one day we met. I will never forget this day. There was a big line waiting to go into the seminar. As I walked toward this line, I heard my screen name being called. I do not remember what my name was (I think it was Alyx90). You see Al only knew me via the Net therefore he only knew my Internet name.

This turned out to be a very spiritual day for me. JE asked us to participate in a meditation exercise before he began his readings. I didn’t think I would be very good at meditation, but tried it anyway. I was at this event hoping to getspirituality messages from 2 people or energies I guess would be a better word, as one of those “people” was my dog. During the meditation, I tried to focus on my dad and baby beagle. I felt more than just them. I swear there was a third energy that kept distracting me from concentrating on my Dad and beagle. Finally, out of nowhere came the thought, “Jodi bring them all through.” I really need to end MrAl’s part of the story here or I will go on for another 1000 words about spirituality, “the other side”, mediums, and messages.

Another relationship of mine was a woman from Maine. At some point I met her IRL as well. We met once when I visited Maine. Her son and she actually spent the night at my house once. We all went to a JE seminar and my house was closer than hers, so sleeping over was a great option. I can’t even imagine this happening today.

I have 1 “friend” left over from my JE obsession days. Her name is May. I do not know why or how we remained “friends”, but we did. Somehow we hooked up on Facebook and were able to keep in touch. She has 2 kids, 1 is a doctor, the other depressed like me. This is why I love the power of the Internet. I can search for any quality I have and will find someone on the Net who has the same virtue, or at least understands what I am talking about. It is so easy to find people with common interests. There were very few people in my real life who were as into JE as I was. I found thousands on the Net. May knows my real name, where I live, and is Facebook friends with my husband. I would not allow that to happen today.

The Internet is different today. We have learned a lot more about it and about the world. I really cannot see me allowing someone I met via the Net know where I live never mindinternetfriends5 stay over my house. Today the people I meet know very little about me. They know that I am female, married, have a great sense of humor, and live somewhere in New England with a beagle and husband. Some know I deal with mental health issues on a daily basis.That is pretty much it. I have “met” many people I really do like. I have “met” people I have a lot in common with. I have “met” people I would feel comfortable sharing almost anything with. I have also “met” people I have no desire to have in my Life. These people do not know me, I do not know them. Sharing is easier when no one knows who you are. I would never even think about allowing them to be my friend on Facebook. It is different today. I am not sure what changed, I only know that it did.

I started this post with my present day Internet Relationships in mind.. I wrote 3 pages and still have not touched upon these people. This will definitely be continued……..  Until then, Relax, Enjoy, and Have A Great Day.