introducing William

I rarely question my assignment. Today I was given the job I’ve been preparing for. Everything is ready, T’s have been dotted, I’s crossed, and assignments handed out. I am to hang with an 8-year-old boy named Tim.  Anna, Tim’s sister just came back over a few days ago. She only had 12 years on Earth this time, but she did her job quicker and better than most. I spent some time with her when she first arrived back home. She will be at or above my own level. She did well on Earth. She gets to rest for as long as she desires then it is off to work she goes.  I love how she calls me Will instead of William. I believe this is going to be a beautiful, powerful friendship.

Most don’t take much time off. Some choose to retire, but no one lasts long at that. There are so many people who need our help. Speaking of help I should go down to Tim, my newest assignment.  With Anna leaving him for a bit, I have (my) work to do.

Anna made me laugh the first time I met her. She told me she has already been testing her family. She was able to assign her brother, Tim to the Angels’ baseball team. Anna’s Mom noticed that right away, and that night Anna sent Tim a dream. Tim recalled this vivid dream and shared it with his Mom. They were able to smile together. I guess Anna is declining her opportunity to have a break. Only the best do that.

Anna might have chosen the body of a child this time, but she is such a strong old soul, full of wisdom. I am going to be proud to have her as my newest companion. With this family I got assigned to way back when, Anna’s insight will be invaluable.  That’s not to say with all my preparation and dedication I can’t hold my own, just that more help reaches further.

Catherine and Emily. For the longest time I thought I had them.  When I left my body, they truly believed in me and my power. I proved it to them using that JH dude. Twice!Over the years they have stumbled a bit. I think Emily might be on her way back to believing I am there. It’s taken some time, but she is starting to see the signs I’ve been sending her. I was pretty subtle for a while, then the Senior dude visited. The Senior dude told me to hit her with a biggie. Not too big though.“She needs to WAKE UP!!!!” She recovered nicely from that sign and now I believe I have her back.

Jax and Catherine. Well they are going to take more time. They will be open to me soon though. As long as I have the whole team playing, rookies included. They will hear us. As long as she stays open, They are gonna have to listen to Emily. Since Anna and I teamed up,  It is almost as if Emily forgot to lock her door.  I am also proud of how outspoken she has become.  She has found her voice. This family is very special to me. They have so much work they still need to do. I sometimes wish we could get things done all by ourselves. But then again, it wouldn’t be right or much fun for any of us.

“It amazes me the racket the Senior Man has going on in relation to tHis family. He’s got me working with Anna in Sue’s house, while Clarence is in Canada convincing Hollow to motivate Emily to try on her appropriate funeral attire. Meanwhile Gabriel is in Pennsylvania, reminding Base, to remind Emily about us.” PHEW!!!! Busy, Busy, and Busy.

I’ve been waiting all day for Emily to ask for me to come with her tonight. The Senior Man wants us all there tonight. Everyone!!!! This Anna must be pretty special to him to bring out all stops like he is. I can’t wait to work with her more.

A message arrives, “Well would you look at that? Emily is asking for my help. This is way cool, she hasn’t asked for my help in a long time. I love it when they ask me to visit. I love them so much. Helping them is so much more fun when they know I am around. I know I am doing my job right when they feel me near. They do still have that free will crap the Big Ole One gave them. It is sometimes tough to work around.”

This story was supposed to be about Tim. Everything happens for a reason they say. The Senior Dude wants me to hang out with Tim all day. Or, for as long as he needs me. I must say, I have enjoyed my brief hiatus. Given the choice though, I’d much rather be working and spending time with the ones I was given. They can be so much fun. I feel like I’ve been on vacation forever.

Back in the saddle again as some might say. “I’m just gonna say thanks for the work Senior Man. I am so looking forward to your newest assignment.”

Enough documenting, it is time to visit Tim. I love working with kids. I have always loved them. They are so much more open to my suggestions than the older ones. This should be a fun day for me. Anna’s got her hands full with her Mom, Dad, and sisters. She will appreciate the time I spend with Tim.

“All I know is that this assignment involves the color purple. They never tell me more than I need to know. I just go with it and it all will be well. Plus, in time, when I find everything out, it will be breathtaking. Can breathtaking be a feeling?  If it can, then it is.”

16 year old me, Listen Up!!!!

If you could have a guarantee that one, specific person was reading what you write, who would you want that person to be? Why? What do you want to say to them?

I realize you are 16 and will probably not believe a word I write, but everything you read here is true. You will learn how important honesty becomes to you.  You may not be able to see it now, or in 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years, but you can and will be okay. I know this because I am you and I am okay.

You will have struggles.  A lot of struggles.  But you will make it through these times.  I know because I am where you will eventually be.

You will make plans.  Many plans.  Some of these plans of yours will work out well.  Others will not.  You will learn that some of your plans were not right for you.  You will make what you think are the best plans possible only to find a detour that leads to something better. Do not stop planning just because your plans do not work out as planned.

The most important things I have to tell you is this, Never give up trying, Never give up hoping, Never give up learning and Never, Ever lose your sense of humor.  I may be telling you these things, but you know them already.  You just don’t know you know them.  If you didn’t know these things, I would not be here today telling you about them.

You will lose things over the years, only to find better things.  I wish I could be more specific, but I need to leave you with some surprises.  Speaking of surprises, your life will be full of them.  Some will make you laugh some will make you cry. Some will make you say, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  They will all make you who I am today.

Lessons.  My goodness, lessons.  You will have so many of them.  You may have to learn some things over and over again until you get them right.  Sometimes you will even say to yourself. “How many times does this have to happen before I get it right?”  That will be your clue that you got it right and can move on to the next lesson.

I don’t want to get into a discussion over good versus bad, but I must warn you.  Great things will happen to you only to find out how not so great they really are.  Along with that, be prepared for some not so great things to happen.  I will tell you this much, some of those not so great things turn into the best things ever.  Again, I wish I could be more specific, but if I tell you too much, you might avoid some of those painful things that make me who I am today.

You won’t believe me now, but someday you are really going to like who you have become.  You will be happy with who you are, but not so completely happy that you stop striving for more.

It is not going to be an easy road, but you will do okay. One thing that never changes is your uniqueness.  You are and always will be considered unique. Some may see it as being a bit off, but being a bit off is what makes people love you.

There are so many things I want to tell you not to do, but I won’t.  I can’t. That might change who I am today.  One thing I will tell you is this, when you quit smoking the first time, don’t start again.  The me of today would greatly appreciate it. Actually I take that back. If you don’t start again then I don’t get to quit again. I learned so much quitting that second time.

One last thing, something you should do more often is listen to your gut.  The more practice you get at going with your gut, the more you will learn to trust it.  This will come in very handy when you hit my age.  By the way, it has been 30 years as I write this, so listen up. I know what I am talking about.

99 followers on the wall….

You are following this blog, along with 99 other amazing people.

Cool 1 more human and I hit a true 100.  Who’daThunkIt ?  I was happy with my husband and friends reading this.

Much has changed since I started this blog in February 2015.  It says my first post was in January, but that is a lie. That was my last post for writing 101. It is kind of long, but that was part of the assignment. For some reason it got posted for January instead of May. It didn’t take me too long to find it as I am a proud graduate of Blogging 101 and have learned so much about blogs.

The winter was horrible.  I will write about how horrible it was soon.  I spent much of the winter expecting my very old beagle to cross.  Once spring truly arrived, he stopped acting like such an old man.  He still sleeps a lot, but is walking better and his cough has subsided.  I even caught him playing with a tennis ball.

It’s been roughly 4 months since I really started writing.  I had not planned on writing this much when I started.  I also have been writing about things I did not expect to be writing about.  I blame blogging 101 and writing 101 for this.  I highly recommend both these classes and look forward to my next one.  I am totally serious when I say I learned a lot about blogging and writing.  I’ve met some incredible people and been exposed to some fabulous writing as well.

On the home front, things have not changed too much.  I do have a new TV and camera.  Speaking of cameras, I am slowly trying out Photo Challenges.  Its rare that I don’t have something to say. If it does happen, I have these challenges to keep my blog busy and fun. It also opens up a whole new bunch of folk to meet.  Plus I love taking pictures.

One major change I should make note of.  I am better at trusting my gut when making tough decisions.  The only way I have gotten better at this is by practice.  Lots and lots of practice.  I am learning to listen to me.

So here’s to 99 WordPress followers !!!!  Thank you for hitting that button.

Day 20 – I treasure Awareness, and Family, and dogs, and the ability to pee by myself, etc.

I might or might not know what happened.confused-on-the-computer

I may have accidently hit publish when I 1st started writing this story way back when. That may explain why it says it was published on January 20th, when I published today. It became my First post???? Not my last of writing 101.

With a lot of work I was able to get it to fit with the last assignment.  All I know is that I finished it today. and published it today.

life as seen by me

Day Twenty: The Things We Treasure Today’s Prompt: Tell us the story of your most-prized possession. Today’s twist: We extolled the virtues of brevity back on day five, but now, let’s jump to the other side of the spectrum and turn to longform writing. Let’s celebrate the drawn-out, slowly cooked, wide-shot narrative. Good luck to all who read the whole thing and I promise never to write this much again!!!! 4189 words

It all started innocently enough.  I first noticed I couldn’t feel my fingers. As things progressed and I told my story over and over again I realized it actually started weeks before.

I couldn’t feel the cigarette smoke go into my lungs.  I remember telling Jax, “I can’t suck. I suck at sucking.”  I was also eating a lot of Tootsie rolls.  Every time I generated some Tootsie roll flavored saliva I would cough, sputter, choke almost.  I blamed these…

View original post 3,854 more words

Day 19 – You are all in trouble Now

Day Nineteen: Don’t Stop the Rockin’

Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop. No self-editing, no trash-talking, and no second guessing: just go. Bonus points if you tackle an idea you’ve been playing with but think is too silly to post about.

I guess I will start at the beginning.  Rumi.  He has been coming up in my life a lot recently.  I should figure out who the heck he is first, then figure out what he has to say.  I do like this quote….

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”Rumi

This one is pretty good as well….

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”Rumi

For someone who lived in the 13th century a lot of his stuff makes sense today. Especially the wine one.

Okay enough of that crap.  I am not looking for extra credit by tackling something I have been working on that is “too silly” Everything about me is silly in one way or another.  I have been working on a couple of things that I hope to finish one day.  I’ve been working so hard on Writing101 that I have been neglecting my Blog. LMAO!!!! or at least what I thought was going to be my blog.

I have a few unfinished master pieces.  I think I may have my first installment of an angel series I want to try out.  Writing about angels was not part of the plan when I started this blog.  Life happens and things change.

Cool 250 words.  Almost done LOL

Relationships are not one of my areas of expertise, yet I wicked want to write about them.  I have experimented with writing about online relationship a bit, but I want to write about other relationships as well.  Mother/daughter and husband and wife come to mind.  Relationships with my beagle could be entertaining.  But if you have never owned a beagle, you might not understand.  Even after I explain it.

83 more words and I am done.  I know that because in 4th grade I was taught about reciprocals. I bet they don’t even teach that math method today.  I remember every day we would get the same quiz.  Get a 100% on the quiz and no more quizzes.  You got early recess instead.  I had trouble getting that 100%.  Did I mention it was timed? I knew my reciprocals I just didn’t  them fast enough.  Until one day my teacher watched me.  I would go down one column, up the next, down again, and up the last.  The teacher suggested I go only down.  Top to Bottom. Wouldn’t you know it the next time I took the quiz I got 100%.  You’d think I would have learned the life lesson of “taking suggestions” back then.  NOPE took me another 35 years for that lesson to sink in.

Uh Oh 461 words.  I know it said “at least” 400 words.  I have no problem with that.  I need help knowing when I am done. That 461 which is now 492 can easily morph into 1004.  I wicked like the word “Morph” right now.  I seem to be getting a lot of use out of it.  516 is a pretty good number too.  But now that I said that the count has gone higher.  See that it just went up again.

THE END (568)

569 since I edited it on July 4th 2015 ________Take that OCD!!!!

DAMN 579 Now…ummmm 580 +2

HaHa it worked. Damn 586

Day 17 what do you fear?

Day Seventeen: Your Personality on the Page. Today’s Prompt: We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears. Today’s Twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own

.

haha No commas!!!!  I have been afraid of so many things for so long it is hard to pick just one.  But I will. I fear losing My Home

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Right now.  I have My Home.

It is me.  My partner.  My beagle.

I have had other similar homes.  Some included my partner and beagle.

Others did not.

This is My Home.  I am content here.  It is peaceful.

Life can be hard.  I do it anyway.

It is quiet here.  I can hear me.  I can hear you.  I can hear my partner.

I do not always understand him.  I know this.  I listen anyway.

I can hear my beagle.

Today.

He has less to say.  He still talks.

I listen to it all and to nothing.  I hear the quiet.  The noise is gone.

I fear the noise will return.

I am vigilant.

I could easily lose my home if the noise returns.

My goal.

Listen.

Do not let the noise get loud.

Internet Relations (Part deux)

internetfriends4I’m back and so is the story of MrAl. My first real online friend. One day I sent him an email. The reply I got was horrifying to say the least. It was from his wife. His wife didn’t know that much about the Net and emails and web sites. I remember her telling me she contacted her daughter and said, “Get on that thing, find someone, and tell them.” They found me. MrAl had died and his wife had no way of telling all the people he had built relationships with via the Net. Although he had met very few of them IRL, he ‘knew them’ and they ‘knew him’.

When his wife was finally able to contact me, it became my job to contact everyone else. I had only met his wife twice, but knew in my heart I needed to do this for her. She had no other way of letting people know he was gone. I like to think I did my job well. Some people I emailed, some I phoned, and some had to read it on a message board. I took my job one step further. I copied everything everyone wrote in response to Al’s death. Although many of the people did not know Al IRL, they were connected. They loved and cared for him. They had so many heartwarming things to say. His wife needed to know about these people and how much her husband had meant to them. My Mom and I went to Al’s funeral. I handed his family every great thing that was written about him. I hope on some level, they took some comfort in those words.

Today, people on the Net know so little and so much about me at the same time. They know what I think and feel, but do not know my name. They know what makes me laugh, but not where I live. They know I am female, but not what I look like. I know the same about them. I know that Base lives in either NC or SC, but I do not know her husband’s name. I know that Moogs is sober and married with a kid on the way, but I do not know what he does for a living. ((((Hollow)))) is younger than Base and I, is half a twin, and lives in Oh Canada         But,

Do I really know these things about them???? Baseline could be from NY and have homicidal tendencies. Moogs could be a show girl in Las Vegas. Hollow? Well, ((((Hollow)))) says she is from Oh Canada. I know so much yet so little about them. But, when I woke up extra early today and wanted someone to talk with, there were people there. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 3651/4 days a year. It may be 3 a.m. in my neck of the woods, but in Australia it is daytime. People are awake and ready for me.

One thing that is very different between real life and Internet relationships. The conversation you are having with an internet friend can all of a sudden end. When your Net connection stops for some reason, so does your conversation. This can be good and this can be bad. Great conversations have abruptly ended for me as have conversations I wanted to end but didn’t know how.  I guess I could accidently disconnect.

Back to my original online friendships. Starwindsinger. Starwindsinger was the name of the woman who slept over my mountain home with her son. I was feeling bad that I could not remember her name. My Mom always told me, if you can’t remember a name, go through each letter of the alphabet. The letters you hesitate on are the ones that will begin their name. I kept hearing “S” and “J” in my brain. Then Starswinger floated  around for a while. I finally landed/settled on Starwindsinger. Then the “J” started up again. By the time I got home, I knew her name was Jackie. Jackie Starwindsinger. I feel better remembering her name. I mean,” shoot, her kid and her had a sleepover at someone’s house they never met before.” I should at least remember her name.

I thought I was going to talk more about my present day online relationships in this post, but then I recalled having a second set of friends I originally met via the Net. I had just moved from the city to the mountains and knew no one. I had also been diagnosed with ADD. I put it together and found online support in my area for adults with ADD. We had a few people in the group and we met in public places.  I do not recall ever being weary of meeting them in person. Today I am weary with every little bit of information I share on the Net.  The Net and the people of the Net have definitely changed over the years, but I have changed as well.  I wonder what has changed the most????

Stay tuned for part three.  I did not know there was going to be a part 3.

word on page 29

Day Fourteen: To Whom It May Concern

Today’s Prompt: Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration Today’s twist: write the post in the form of a letter.

There are just so many different uses for the word.  It has had quite a history and I am sure a very fine future.  It has been used as titles of movies, a magazine, and music albums.  There is a whole series of books and many working in the crash test field.  The word that jumped out of me on page 29 was dummy.  I chuckled as I realized I could definitely work with that.  The definitions I am going to focus on is a stupid person; idiot; jackass; moron; and to keep silent; refuse to answer; as in ‘dummy up’.wpid-images-7-jpg

Hey dumbass,

haha I laugh at you today.  Did you really think you could get rid of me forever.  You know I may leave temporarily but I never go far.  You are a true idiot if you think that just because I have been gone so long this time that you start to think I could never return. I am here to remind you of me.  Remind you of what I can do.

What a moron you can be sometimes.  You were getting too smaht there for a while.  I had to change things up a bit. I came at you working with agitation and irritability this time. Wasn’t I the smaht one? Remember, I always return. I may look different sometimes, but I guarantee it is always me. 

I may have stayed away too long this time though. You had time to work on other things. Get better in other ways. Find more support. I am very powerful and will always be able to make you do what I want. I am sneaky and unrelenting.

Have as much fun as you can for now.  Because I am coming back.  I am coming back stronger than ever.

– See you soon – Your depressive brain

Hey Jack ass,

Guess what. The jokes on you. I see you coming.  Too much time has passed.  I had time to do things. Time to change things. The biggest thing I have done was become more aware.  So aware that I already see you messing around with my sleep.  You are trying to fool me by doing it slowly, but I am not fooled.  I can see it happening.  So guess what?  I did not dummy up this time.  When I saw you playing with my sleep this month, I got voice to talk about it.  I and other folk are aware of what you are trying to do. They all know.  They are all watching.  We have ways to make you lose control of sleep. When we sleep, you lose your power.  We are not letting you get so out of hand that you get strong this time.  We will stop you and stop you now. 

We are no longer the dummy you thought you had to work with.  I played it smaht. I learned new skills, tried new things, became more courageous, and voice worked with mouth to open up. We have the power to kick your dumbass.

Bring it on Depressive brain this is the new and improved, strong, mighty, healthy brain you are messing with this time.  And, I have control of voice. Boy, she has loved talking.  I almost forgot, we found hope too.  We found her and we are not letting go of her this time.

real world conversations????

Today’s Prompt: Write a post inspired by a real-world conversation. Today’s twist: include an element of foreshadowing in the beginning of your post.

This oughta be a trip and a half. When was the last time you over heard a real life conversation? You rarely leave your house and the beagle stopped talking months ago. Those beagle conversations were pretty interesting while they lasted. Must be the medication. Or maybe the beagle is tired. Hmmmm, Tired? What a fabulous word that is.

Nobody likes me everybody hates me I think I’ll eat some worms.

I don’t think they realize how they sound. If they could hear themselves talk, would they continue with their conversation? I think not. But they can’t hear themselves talk so they continue. On and On. Go eat some worms I say. Or think. I can’t say that as that would be politically incorrect. I am so tired of hearing those words. Politically Incorrect? What exactly does that mean? Politically Incorrect by whose standards?

The same thing every day. Day, after day, after day. You’d think they would bore not just me, but themselves as well. You’d think they would come up with something new by now. You’d think the whole world had OCD the way they repeat themselves day after day after day.

You use to be like them. You don’t even know how much you use to be like them. You just did not have anyone available to listen to you. You did not have the whole world to listen to you. Well, maybe not the whole world, but a big chunk of it anyway. The difference is the Internet. Today they have the Internet. You didn’t have the Internet when you were stuck like they are. You only had your small teeny weenie world of people to torment. Today they have the cosmos, should the cosmos choose to listen.

Yesterday was a bit different. It was Michael. He talked to you. Michael doesn’t talk much. Well, he doesn’t talk about himself much. He is so unlike others you have met. He is funny as hell, but he hurts. You know he hurts. He just doesn’t piss and moan about it all the time. When he talks, you really need to listen.

And listen you did. You listened to his pain, his torment, his hell. You may not have experience with his particular illness, but you are familiar with what it is telling him, what it is making him feel, what it is making him think. You have been there. You have heard it, felt it, thought it.  You know what he is talking about. You have a decision to make. You can cajole him and say crap like, “It’ll get better.” “You will not feel like this forever.” “Your feelings will change.”  That is what they would have told you.

That is not what you needed to hear. That is not what helped you. That is not what made you feel better. Fine then, try this, “You say you are tired of acting like everything is alright, you are tired of pretending, you are tired of hiding. You are tired. No problem. STOP!  Stop acting as if everything is okay. Stop pretending. Stop hiding.  JUST FRIGGIN’ STOP!  Yes, you are tired. This illness can be infuriating. It can be exhausting. I understand that. If you are that tired then stop. STOP!!!! JUST STOP!!!! Tell someone in your real life exactly how you feel, exactly what you are thinking, exactly what is going on. No one can help you if they do not know the truth. If they do not know what is really happening. If they do not know what you are really thinking. If they do not know what you want to do.

You need to rest. You need a break. You need to get It to stop. You have a good life. People are jealous when they look at your life. You have a beautiful wife, a nice house, an awesome car, and a great pack of dogs. They do not know about your illness. They do not know what it tells you.  They do not know how it makes you feel. They do not know the battle you fight every day. EVERY DAY. You have had good times. You have had times where the illness was not in charge. You have been happy. You can be happy again.

Haha I just put 3 ice cubes in my coffee. 3, not 4. Take that mental illness. I will beat you. But I can’t beat you if I don’t know about you. I can’t beat you if others do not know about you. I can’t beat you alone. I need help.  I need people. No one can help me beat you if they don’t know anything is wrong.

You can be happy again. I know, that is so not what you want to hear. There is really nothing you want to hear. You’ve heard it all before. The illness is so strong in you right now. It is so loud. It is almost completely in control. But that is almost. ALMOST. Not totally and completely, ALMOST. It is never really over until you take that last breath. Even then it may not be over. They can always bring you back. They can always stick a tube down your throat. Force air into your lungs. Do you really want to go through that again? Do you really want to put your wife through that pain again? You were so close last time. So close, yet it did not work. It should have worked. Yet it did not. Have you ever wondered why?

You say you are ready. You say it is time. You say you are done. You don’t come right out and say it, but we all know what you mean. Do you say this or does the illness say this? Who is really talking? You? Or the illness?

Maybe they are not ready for you. Maybe it is not time? Maybe you are not done? Maybe you need to try again?

Maybe a soul that hasn’t even been born yet needs you. Maybe you need to go through what you are going through to help that soul go through what they are going to have to go through. Maybe that soul will change the world. Maybe that soul will be unable to change the world unless you are there to help them do it. Maybe you need to rest. Maybe you need a nap. A regular nap. Not a forever nap. Maybe you need a person who is destined to come into your life tomorrow. Until then, nap.  You will be less tired if you nap.

Domesticated Momster

  

 

Three points of view, one writer?

Today’s Prompt: A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene. Today’s twist: write the scene from three different points of view: from the perspective of the man, then the woman, and finally the old woman.

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. I can’t believe that little gray haired ole lady is knitting a red sweater.  Of all the things I could come across. The same sweater my Snoopy was wearing when he got hit by the snow plow during that freak storm. The white stripes make it identical. It has been a year to the day since Snoopy’s trip to the Rainbow Bridge. It can only be a sign from Snoopy. He is still with me. I had him 20 years. Deep down, I knew he would never leave me. I knew he would always come through for me. Why else in this heat would a little ole lady be knitting a red dog sweater.

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. I can’t believe seeing that little old lady is making Tim cry.  She must remind him of his Nanny who is dead at least 20 years now.  This man cries over everything.  Movies, stubbing his toe, animal cruelty, roadkill, and so on.  You’d think that a man so easily brought to tears would be more sensitive to my feelings. He’s never available when I am angry, or irritable, or agitated.  He’s never there for me when I have my spells either.  Why did we meet? Why am I with him?  Money cannot be the only reason? Can it?

A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Oh Lordy, Lord!  I cannot believe it? Not these two again! The woman bickering all the time. The man always with the red, puffy eyes. I so hope these two are not married. and Kids, Oh Lord, please help their kids. I try so hard to avoid these two, yet they are always here. I come in the morning. They are here walking.  I wait until the afternoon. They are here walking. It’s too cool to come here in the evenings. I might be willing to try the evenings if I see them here again. If I didn’t know better I would swear they were stalking me. Sometimes they get here before me though.  Those are the days I see their car and tell the driver not to stop. “Keep on going.” I say. “Bring me to the library instead.”