Lately I’ve really been really concentrating on the conversations my husband and I have. We always end up laughing or shaking our heads smiling. WARNING!!!! Laughing and smiling can be contagious in a grocery store.
I felt happiness today. The phone rang and it was my husband telling me he was coming home early. I could only describe my feelings as joyful. Not to shabby for someone with a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.
The not so good part, I had to pick him up at the Chevy dealer who just fixed my SUV. His car needed some tender loving care. Like mine just got.
So, maybe my car broke down when it did so it would be well enough to transport my husband to work because his car broke down. And because my car broke down, I met some wonderful people and because I met these wonderful people, I am convinced that it is time to say goodbye. Good bye to Parker, my 10-year-old SUV.
I think this post just turned into the third of my Loss/ Found / Lost and Found serial challenge for writing 101. First Major Loss as an adult human is Part 1. Third Time’s the Charm. I never did finish that assignment.
So, I look toward a future loss. The loss of a good friend. It is time to say goodbye to Parker. We traveled 102,338 miles together. The time has come for her to sit on a lonely used car lot or a make a quick trip to the junk yard. She needs more help than I am willing to give.
Parker was a tease. She truly had it all. Power everything. Including seat adjustment. Which when a certain button was pushed would warm your little behind. Meeting Parker was not planned. Her predecessor got hit by a tree and passed young. This was the day I truly understood the phrase “car wrapped around a tree.” I want to talk about my experience with black cars versus my experience with white cars. But I don’t know how to do it without making someone angry. I know, I’ll talk about red cars instead.
I wish I could leave color out of this, but it is important. Everyone has heard, “Oh No don’t get a red car, they are cop magnets.” My husband and I both experienced red cars and we came to the same conclusion. A high rate of speed is a better cop magnet than the color of the car.
To me loss has always meant change. I have never done well with change, therefore it makes sense that I would do poorly with loss. Acceptance is the key for me. Funny how I can make that sound so simple. I don’t just accept change, I fight it tooth and nail.
I need to be reminded that there are some things I have no control over. I need to remind myself that I do have a choice. Fight a losing battle or take a moment and relax. Think about whether there is anything I can do. Look at all options. After taking a bit of time to relax, I am able to see things clearer.
Maybe this change will not be as bad as I think it will be. It might even end up being a good thing. I won’t know until the loss and change actually happens. Now that I think about it, accepting change is a lot more pleasant than fighting it. The more practice I get at it, the better I will be at it.
So this story was supposed to be about some of the very odd conversations I have with my husband. Ah yup, that was the plan. Things don’t always turn out the way I expect. Sometimes they turn out better. So we are off. Off to look at a Grape Ice colored car. Definitely not the one I want, but most likely the one I need.
I managed to find humor in this whole life thing after all. The first call we got after trading in Parker was from the salesman who just sold us Ice Ice Fanta, “Have you had any trouble starting the Equinox with this key?”
“Ah nope. Not since we just put $501.15 into her for a new starter an oil change.
I’d call this new car purchase very, very good timing.