figured something out????

When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to do or where to go with it.  All I knew was that I felt better when I wrote shit down.

Here we are roughly 6 months later….

  1. I have taken blogging101
  2. writing101 came next
  3. then Photo101
  4. then Life got in the way

I became obsessive over completing Blogging101.  See my history and you might understand why.  I learned so much from this course.  I was wicked new to blogging and I was learning stuff that a woman of my age should know.   widgets, image widgets, feature, Know your audience, INSPIRATION…. COMMUNITY!!!!

I did not expect or have any clue that starting a blog came with such a fantastic community.  I am very grateful I was led to WordPress.  Yes Lily Pup you are to blame for that.

After Blogging101 came Writing101.  I am proud to say I did well with this class.  The obsession I had during Blogging101 was not present.  Damnitall.  I read a blog post recently where the writer talks about swearing, I’ve been swearing ever since.  It is part of my Distinct Voice, which I also learned about in writing101. I learned so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

Writing 101 is where I received my first bit of criticism.  Maybe it was Blogging 101? It truly does not matter now.  The assignment was to write about your home.  I requested constructive criticism and I got it.  It basically said, “show me, Don’t tell me.”  Funny how one of the very next assignments was “Show me, Don’t tell me.” 

Russell J. Fellows on April 8, 2015 at 8:56 am said:

What a peaceful sounding place. I think I’ve told many people the same thing, but I want to tell you also: be more immersive in this writing. You have a lot of good description to work with, but I want to experience it through your eyes, not just through you telling me what is what. Instead of “The entrance to where I am is like a dirt road that leads you through a tunnel…” say “A road of dirt and rock leads you through a tunnel of beeches and oaks to a clearing…” or something like that. Does that make sense?

Then came Photo 101. Another great WordPress offering. I have yet to finish this course, but I have many great excuses. Life stuff took over for a while and I was unable to keep focused on learning about photography.  I still have hopes to finish this class, but will do so in my own time.

I have also been unable to keep up with my weekly feature OTT.  I have decided none of this matters.  What matters is that Today, I am doing every thing in my power to be okay.  My goal today and every day is to beat depression.  When my head tells me I am better off staying in my pajamas, I get in my clothes and do something.  When it tells me, “you don’t need a shower today”, I go out, get extra dirty, have fun doing it, and have no choice but to shower.  When someone who counts asks me How I am, I tell them the truth.  I have chosen to take the word “FINE” out of my vocabulary.

When my therapist suggested I leave little notes around my house that simply say “BREATHE”, I listened.  Now my house has little notes everywhere reminding me to breathe.  Breathing is such a simple thing to do, yet so very difficult when I need it most.  I have also learned along the way that deep breathing helps with so much more than just anxiety.  Provided I remember to do it.  The more I do it the easier it is to remember.  Everything takes practice.

So, take a minute. Stop. Just breathe. and don’t forget your blog

Duh. I almost forgot to mention what it was I may have figured out?  If blogging has rules, I do not think I can follow them. I am okay with suggestions, but I don’t believe I have any hope with rules. It has been 6 months and I still do not know what this thing is about.  I am okay with that.

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Coincidence or meant to be????

Hmmmmmmmm !!!! I wonder what is in store for me at the grocery store. Will I be wicked late or Right on Time?

dinosaur feet I say (kick ass)

dinosaur feet I say (kick ass)

I parked in a most unusual spot. I usually do this shopping thing with my husband, but today I decided to venture out on my own. We usually find the best parking spot together.

I’ve been doing real well with the mental health crap stuff, so I figured “Why not give it a Go?”

As I start walking toward the entrance, I spot a woman wearing my husband’s work shirt. I just assumed it was a coworker as no one has this shirt in this color.

I thought to myself, “odd, such a nice day why is she not at work?” I approached her saying, “Hi there, You must know Jax?”

“No, why did ask that?” she questioned.

“That is his work shirt. Where did you get it?” As obsessive thoughts kick into high gear in my brain, I completely forgot that she should not have access to this shirt.

livin' in America.  Like a King

livin’ in America.

Like a King

As the woman briefly looked down then back up to meet my eyes, she responded with “At the salvation army. I liked the color.”

“Do you have kids? Jax works there.”

“My kids are in their 30’s, but I have 11 grandkids.”

“As long as there is 1 under 12 you can get in. Jax works there. He is their favorite, he can get you in for free. It is a wicked expensive place. He is there favorite. Do you have a pen? crap! I always carry one, but not today.”

“I have one in my car.”

Yes I know, I am the star

Yes I know, I am the star

“Then, let’s go,” I smiled. Not realizing that my friendliness could be construed as total NutBag Material.

“Is Jax your brother?” She asked as it dawns on me. The Idiot i can be at times pipes up, with “the short hair and way I am dressed, add in the cough induced raspy voice and I look and sound like a teenage boy.”

“Jax is my husband. This is my number, I am Emily. Just call me when you want to go.”

“Wow thank you so much. I’ve always wanted to go there too. I just want to spend the whole day walking around.”

Please, please, please  I can eat no more.  just a quick nap and I am good

Please, please, please
I can eat no more.
just a quick nap and I am good

“No problem, it can be wicked expensive to go. My mom and I go all the time. We sit and relax there in the Adirondack chairs scattered about. The many animals come to us.”

“I am Darlene nice to meet you.”

When I got home I had more time to think. I saw it from my Husband’s work point of view.  No one has these shirts.  No one!!!! I need to call him. 

Then I started to see it from Darelne’s point of view. “Who is this crazy person talking to me about my t-shirt? I only picked it cuz of the color. I’m embarrassed, but I don’t know if this is a girl or a guy? The short hair, hoarse voice, the glasses could be female, bulky sweatshirt…. I can’t believe this is happening out of the blue. My son was just telling me he wished he could take his kids there, but it is so expensive. Now out of the blue, someone in a grocery store parking lot, I don’t even know is offering me free admission.”

“This is so not America 2015.”

Couldn't ask for a better life than this one I have here.

Couldn’t ask for a better life than this one I have here.

On the drive home, she thought long and hard over what just happened. I was just told the other day that I needed to learn to trust others. Maybe this is my test? Some real strange crap has been happening lately, maybe I should just go with it. If I don’t call, nothing can happen. If I do call; it could be a wrong number, or they don’t know what I am talkin about, or I get to splurge and take my grandkids to the Center. I think I know what to do. I don’t even have to think about it. I will make the call despite my hatred of phones. If they answer I don’t know what I will do. I can hang up, talk, or hopefully get to leave a message. Yes, a message would be best. I can do this. I can do this for my Grambabies.

And to think I was going to die tonight. I was ready to end my life. The Rolling Stones said it best, “But if you try sometimes you get what you need.”