A not so funny O.T.T.

 

Okay I did not expect to be writing about obsessive crap so soon.  It is only Friday.

My husband calls every day on his lunch break. He does not miss a day.  Some times he may be a bit late, but he does call.  every day  Sometimes I can’t wait for the call and I call him. Today I waited for the call and waited and waited and waited some more. Finally I called him.  He did not answer.

and it starts.  well it already started. This is just when I became aware it was starting. I speak of anxiety.   

He always answers why did he not answer???? why did he not call???? what happened to him???? why can’t he call???? was that a noise outside???? is someone here to tell me something is wrong???? Why hasn’t he called???? where is he???? What has happened to him???? He should have returned my call by now,should I call him again???? It is almost 2 he should have called….There it is again the noise outside….  The dog has been a bit off today too.  Wonder if he’s okay????It is after 2 maybe I should call????What if I call and he does not answer????What do I do then????yes I already have him dead and buried, but maybe he is just at the hospital and can’t call????  if he lost his phone he would find another so He can’t call !!!!l why can’t he call???? what is stopping him from calling???? Damn I could use an Ativan but if I take another I wont be able to drive and get salad for dinner…. we wont need salad for dinner if something happened to him!!!! what could have happened to him????  Okay I am gonna call.  where’s the damn phone????  things have been going way too good lately. what is wrong???? 

This has officially become unfunny.  So unfunny that I may not include it in next weeks obsessive thought Thursday. It is just not funny. Even when I find out what happened, it will remain unfunny.  I did take another Ativan so I will not be going to buy salad so at least that decision has been made.  Maybe my rational side can take over for a bit????  If something bad happened to him, someone would have called.  They would notice if he was missing and go find him.  They would take care of him and they would call me.  No doubt in mind that they would call. So nothing can be wrong.

He would call….Why hasn’t he called ???? Damn this is exhausting me!!!!

Unless something really big happened and no one can call.  Oh Man!!!!  The news, I should turn on the TV.  DISTRACT SELF MUST DISTRACT SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I distracted self by calling doc and trying to make appointment for 6 month follow-up.  Been needing to do that anyway. They will call me back when an agent is available WTF!!!! Distraction doesn’t even work right.  Breathing wont help…. I’ll do it anyway.

NOPE, NOT HELPING….

Distract more!!!! must distract more!!!! the doctor called back…. of course they put me on hold???? I had them call me back so I could avoid being on hold wtf.  BREATHE JUST BREATHE  I hate this on hold music it totally sucks…. why can’t I hear the byrds or ed sheeran???? I would go to YouTube and listen, but then I wont be able to hear them talk on the phone,,,, it would be better music,,,, but would I not hear them…. if they ever come back???? I’m gonna do it anyway.

Got off hold funny, I already had an appointment???? 330,,,, that will put me right in prime traffic time….now I don’t think I like the time….traffic on way home wtf !!!!I can’t see me making an appointment at that time????  I got confused and flustered while on the call. I wonder if I can call back and get an earlier time???? I will have to call….Okay, back to where I began again,,,, where I was before…. DISTRACTION,,,, I am again waiting for doctor office to call back so I can fix the time of appointment unfortunately when phone rings,,,, I will hope it is husband…. why did I choose this as a distraction???? To feel hope moron!!!! if the phone rings there is hope!!!! You will feel it even for a second.  Hope is Hope!!!! 

and it rang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Caller ID just said Husband WTF,,,, no one was there…. hang up!!!! maybe he will try again…. and he did!!!! let it ring twice then answer;;;;  It is him!!!! he said hello!!!!  hahahahahahahaha !!!! he ate lunch early got distracted, forgot to call, and did not know what time it was. he is forgiven.

anxiety gone.  skills used were not wicked helpful, but attempt was made to use them.  You can breathe now.  Talking with doctor office much easier this time too. Not so confused when talking to them.  Not as flustered. hmmmmmmmm???? Does anxiety also cause confusion???? I never thought about that before.

You acted so calm and cool when talking to hubby.  You were breathing again.  He does not need to know about this at all.  No, not right. You don’t hide things.  You can’t hide things.  You did do great job of not calling Mom and freaking her out as well. Plus you might hit publish instead of Trash this time. Then he will read it anyway. Best you tell him now and make it sound funny.

Okay. Now looking back, it is sort of funny in a warped kind of way.  It is different from the past.

You know what is happening when it is happening, you know it is anxiety. 

YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE OKAY!!!!  

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12 thoughts on “A not so funny O.T.T.

  1. Reblogged this on life as seen by me and commented:

    I do not understand why when I post some things they get posted on a different day than when I posted them.
    Yes, I wrote most of this post awhile ago, but never finished it until today. Why it is being posted out of order, I do not know.
    This is the 2nd time this has happened to me. If anyone has an answer, I would greatly appreciate it.

    Like

  2. Oh my, I can so relate to your post. I have been putting myself through something similar for the past couple of days and it is no fun. It helps me to see it from the outside looking in and maybe next time I will think of your post before I panic. I can try 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is from WordPress support: Posts, which are always associated with a date, are what make your blog a blog. They’re servings of content that are listed in reverse chronological order (newest to oldest) on your blog’s front page. Covers the ways to publish a post, where to edit a post, and how to delete a post. Did it post as of the original write date or the later date? If it posted as of the original date, did you add to the post but not save it just go right to publish…if so it probably publishes as of the original date since you did not save at the later date which would then update the post date…did that make sense? Also I had a wicked anxiety attack driving one night, I am developing night blindness and I could not see where I was going and it paralyzed me…I was crying, I was on a back road and I almost could not travel on, I would pull over every time a car came it took me forever to get home, I was terrified…an anxiety attack is not fun and congrats to you for doing all you did to try to cope until you knew your husband was ok…that was major!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When I had panic attacks and anxiety attacks it was pretty much like you described. Then one day I realized that they start with a small thought (uncertain, insecure,…) and they became panic attacks and anxiety attacks because I would feed those thoughts. I had to start learning to trust myself and refuse to feed those thoughts that result in the panic or anxiety. I hope that makes sense. After a time, I was able to stop them from happening. What freedom that is!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • unfortunately anxiety is normal for me too. it is cool that I am learning how to change the routine though. it doesn’t always work, as you read, but sometimes it does
      It is good to hear from you. 🙂

      Like

would wicked love hearin' from ya !!!!

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